I found this platform after going through something I would never think I would do, even if my life depended on it. I recently had an abortion and I can’t fathom the way I feel. I feel lost, angry, and sad. I did this for a number of reasons, but looking back, none of those seem valid anymore. My heart is broken and this is by far the biggest regret I’ve ever had. When I did the ultrasound, I told the tech that I think the baby is about the size of a blueberry. After she looked at it, she said, “Yes, think of it as a little blueberry.” I can’t get that out of my head. I am beyond traumatized and I’m so disappointed in myself. I thought I was doing the right thing at 28 years old by not bringing a child into a broken marriage, where we are not financially, and emotionally stable. I was wrong. In this life, I wanted nothing more than to be a mother. I failed. This will forever linger with me.
I just wrote and submitted my testimonial, but immediately realized I submitted it too soon. There is something else— and I feel it is SO hugely important, that I Pray it too will be posted. Aside from the lifelong paralyzing pain, guilt, shame, sorrow, graphic nightmares, and fear of going to Hell for MURDERING my own child😭😭😭, there is THIS😭: I never again in my life was able to become pregnant😭 A little girl who all she ever wanted was to be a MOM😭— that little girl is now a CHILDLESS WOMAN😭😭 ME.😭😭 I view it as God punishing me for what I did😭😭 God feeling He gave me this gift once before— He saw what I did with that precious gift😭😭— he’s not going to take that chance again😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
I was 19, living with my cold Stepfather and overprotective Mom, who still saw me as a child. I had no self-esteem & no self-worth— STILL DON’T. I had my first boyfriend at 16– he abused me in every way. I was alone, had no strength, & thought I loved him & would die without him- so I allowed every bit of it and never fought back. This included losing my virginity to him. I was a terrified little 16-year-old, alone & afraid what my Mom & Stepfather would think of me/do if I lost my virginity. But this boyfriend that was like air to me— he forced himself on me. He made it very clear that if I didn’t allow this he would leave me that very second and easily find it somewhere else. Three years later— age 19– I was dating a 24-year-old man who had his own house. I was still that terrified little girl of 16. I had been told by a Doctor that I had medical problems and would have a very hard time getting pregnant. As was the case at age 16, just three years earlier, I thought I’d better have sex with this man or he’d leave me. WHY did I care so much if a boy or man left me????😭 I believe it stems from severe bullying, a Stepfather who clearly hated me and treated me with such coldness and like I was WORTHLESS😭, and from having no self-esteem. Also from being alone and having no support. I had sex with this man one time—and I guess that Doctor was wrong, because I became pregnant. When my period didn’t come and I was feeling differently, I tried so hard to not let myself even go there. I so feared what my Stepfather would do. I so feared my Mom wouldn’t love me anymore or would think differently of me. I just COULDN’T be pregnant. I Prayed and begged for my period to come. It never did. Full of paralyzing fear, I went to a clinic and had the test. I was pregnant, 7 or 8 weeks along. I scheduled an abortion for the VERY NEXT MORNING. Those fears I wrote about were all that was driving me😭, & I didn’t even give my baby and I 24 hours😭😭😭😭 By the way— I don’t feel I even have the RIGHT to say ‘my baby’😭 or to even speak of him or her😭 or tell him or her how sorry I am😭😭😭 Anyone reading this: DO NOT THINK ABOUT WHAT *ANYONE* ELSE WOULD THINK. If your Mother views you differently then that is HER PROBLEM. If your Stepfsther throws you out of the house look at it as a GIFT. If co-workers, college teachers/classmates, other family members, ANYONE— if they look at you with SHAME for having sex out of wedlock and being pregnant, just TURN AND WALK AWAY FROM THEM *ALL*. All that matters is you and your baby. THEY do not have to live the rest of their life feeling they murdered their own CHILD😭😭😭 And wishing time travel existed so they could go back and NOT do it😭😭😭 Or fear they are going to HELL for what they’ve done😭😭😭😭 Sobbing daily at not being able to hold and kiss their own baby😭, and the REASON they can’t is because THEY MURDERED THEM!!!!!!!!!😭😭😭😭😭 This is decades later and I still sob and have graphic nightmares and keep screaming in empty rooms to PLEASE LET ME GO BACK!!!!!!!😭😭😭😭 I died the same day I murdered my helpless baby😭 I was instantly and forever changed😭 I fear going to Hell😭 I want to tell my baby how SORRY😭😭😭 I am and how much I love him or her😭😭— but I don’t feel I even have the RIGHT to do so😭😭😭 SCREW EVERYONE ELSE AND WHAT THEY MAY THINK— *DON’T* MAKE THE SAME MUSTAKE I DID😭😭😭😭😭😭
I am 70 years old; I had an abortion 30 years ago. I still regret my abortion every day of my life. I think about the baby that I aborted. the baby would be 30 years old. I regret an abortion with all my heart. Please anyone who reads this please do not have an abortion you are killing your baby.
Yesterday was the one year anniversary of me having an abortion. I was 9 weeks along. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t regret my choice and wish my baby was here with me. I have always suffered from depression and it has only gotten worse. I have ptsd and flashbacks from the procedure and even though a whole year has gone by it has not gotten any better. In my heart at the time I really felt I was making the right choice. But a part of me died that day and I don’t think I will ever be the same again. I now want to use my voice to speak out against abortion. But really I long for the day that I’m reunited with my baby in heaven. I know God has forgiven me- but I’m still working on forgiving myself.
Here I am… I abort my 6 months baby boy…. I regrets it alot… I am a very bad mom…. I can’t take it anymore… Its have been 3 years but I felt like I abort my baby boy yesterday. .. I kill him…. Its killing me from inside…. I can’t take it anymore. … Now I have my second baby,, its a girl, she is now 1and half year… Her baby face remains me the first baby boy that I killed… I wish I could turn back the time… I wish… I wish…. Sometimes the baby boy comes in my dream with so much pain and with sad face. … I am breaking down… I don’t know how do I make it …… May god forgives me…. May my baby boy forgives me…. I love u baby boy… One day I will come and meet u in heaven. .. Wait for ur mom baby …. And please do forgives me ur mom loves u alot
I’m 24 and had an #abortion last month… I was confused and naive, my sister told me not to disgrace our family, I couldn’t fight for my tiny one, and I opt for surgical abortion, the excruciating pain is still fresh in my memory and still hurt in my stomach…. All my sister and nurses told me was that I and everything will be fine after the evacuation but NO my mental health is broken, I’m losing it, I cried secretly every night, knee to God for forgiveness, I am a big sinner…. The emotional damage is getting out of hand I’m hating myself, just why can’t I fight for the innocence baby? Just why can’t I heard the voiceless baby? I’m down honestly…. Abortion is not a good option ❌