I wish I had my babies :(

August 16, 2014 No Comments »

Its 3 am and iam thinking about my 3 babies In heaven. I think about them all the time. It hurts me to the core. I dont think I can ever forgive myself. About 4 years ago I had my last abortion (3rd one) I was married with 2 kids and had gotten pregnant again and agani and again. In total I had 3 abortions. My ex husband was an alcoholic and didnt work and my relationship was not only hard with him but with his family as well. Each time I found out I was pregnant I felt like I wasnt ready to be a mother again. I didn’t stop and think about the baby inside me at all. I was cold and selfish since I was the breadwinner this was just going to be to much for me to handle, atleast I thought. So, abortion was a good choice for me at least I thought. Abortion was going to make everything go away and when I had every single one I never stopped to think what I had really done. Until, about 3 years ago when I learned what I had done. I killed my children, my innocent babies. They needed me to love, protect and hold them but instead I aborted them. Its painful my heart aches. I cry when I think about it. If only I could go back in time and save my babies. Iam a terrible mother, I picture my babies holding hands and playing in heaven and I tell them iam so, so sorry babies I love yall so much..having an abortions didnt make what was a problem or mistake dissappear because thats what I thought at the time. Having these abortions made me a mother to 3 dead babies. I have 3 babies in heaven. I mourn for my babies all the time. God I ask that u help me heal from this pain I suffer from. My heart aches for my babies. After my 3 abortions I met this wonderful man who is actually prolife and I learned even more about abortions. Despite my abortions God gave me a gift, the greatest gift ever a baby boy who I named Andrew. I have 3 kids and pregnant with my 4th one. Ia determined to give my children the life I took from my other babies. To do things right for them. Although iam still in great pain and will !
probably be in this great for a long time. I know God forgives me I just have to forgive my self. I cant change what wrongs I have done In my past but I can make my future with my kids and husband better.

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