I remember I was 13 when my sister who was 15 told me she’d had an abortion. I wasn’t sure what to think or do. I knew my sister was in a relationship in secret with a much older man. Shortly after this, I told my mom that my dad had abused me and that I thought things had happened to my sister also. My moms nightmare began. They had recently separated and we learned that my sister had been the primary victim. It was painful but we did see justice with my father join to prison for 15 years. I was at an event with my mom over 10 years later and the topic of abortion came up. I told my mom about my sister and what she’d told me so long ago. My mom was able to talk with her about it. My sister said she has a lot of regrets. I also learned that my grandmother was forced my her mother to have a back alley abortion when she was 16 before she married my grandfather. It would have been their first child. My grandmama I know didn’t want it and regretted that decision. It was hard for her to get pregnant again but 6 years later they did. I also learned that my uncles first serious girlfriend had an abortion. My uncle begged her not to. He was devastated and it ruined their relationship. My uncle and mother are the only 2 survivors of 5 siblings. The two after them both had a rare disease and they died in their early teens. My uncle never did have any kids which is very sad to me. My Grandmas first, uncles first and sisters first children weren’t given the chance at life. I’ve wondered who they would have been and how our family may have been different.
I had an abortion. I still remember the sucking sound as it was being vacuumed out of my body. This was 34 yrs ago. The good thing was I was able to see my Catholic priest for prayer and forgiveness. I did feel better after prayers and talking to my priest. I felt like I was White-Washed inside. I felt forgiven. If a woman feels it is no big deal, she has hate for anything like a seed from God, ready to be planted for life to come, she has no heart, nothing just words. It took a lot out of me. I told my parents nd recieved help from my priest. To have it as an option, no!
I was 26 at the time and had just begun dating my partner, we’d known each other all our lives but we’re finally becoming romantic. He was one of my first crush’s ever so for me this was a dream come true, I loved him instantly there were absolutely no doubts he was the one for me. Things took a turn for the worst 7 months later, I had missed my period and feel sick almost 10days later. We decided to get a test just to be sure, but deep down I already knew. On April 6 I found of I was pregnant, we were both terrified but abortion didn’t even cross my mind. I’d always wanted a baby, but I was terrified at how it happened. I wasn’t married, my parents & church peers would judge me, me and my partner didn’t have a stable home or even live together. My pregnancy was hard, I had terrible migraines and was losing weight due to extreme nausea. I became too weak to get out of the bed really. At this point I stated to have doubts, maybe I wasn’t ready to have a kid. I hated pregnancy, me and my boyfriend were still new, I had no idea how to be a parent. At this point I told my significant other my concerns, he then let me know he wasn’t ready to be a dad. That gave me another excuse, I was hurt but I brought up abortion just to see what he’d say. He agreed with me, out of anger hurt and fear I agreed. Throughout the process there were several times I thought to back out, till this day I don’t know why I didn’t. I wish I had, the abortion was the worst pain I’d ever experienced, not just physically but mentally knowing they were tearing my child from my womb and I was allowing it. I was numb for months after it, but after a while the pain set in. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of my child, there’s not a second I don’t regret. I beg God daily for forgiveness and a second chance. Knowing I don’t deserve it, but hoping for mercy. Looking back the reason for abortion seemed so big back then, looking at them now they were minuscule. I’d give anything to go back and get off that table. I did it to save a relationship and my “reputation”, neither of which were worth my baby. I’m 27 now, and I’m working on not forgetting but healing. God has been huge in this process. Me and my partner now have a home of our own and the only thing missing is our baby. That’s a void I know will never be filled, and a great pain with no remedy. I pray that if you’re considering abortion that you really understand not having the baby is much worse than the latter. And the reasons you have now won’t matter in the future. I wish someone would have warned me. Babies really are blessings from God and you never know why you’re receiving or what amazing things they can bring. Please give yourself and baby a chance. You won’t regret it.
The pieces I remember make me look so bad to myself now. I see myself then, as someone who was too young and naive. But also as someone who didn’t care enough that I was ending a life because it didn’t fit right into mine. But, it wasn’t that. I was a person who didn’t know enough. When I made the appointment, the clinic said to ignore the protestors. And so I did. One of my greatest regrets is not hearing them because they knew more than I did. I am so full of saddness every day. It has been 20 something years since that day. After the procedure, I had the most intense week of my life which ended in doing the procedure again, because something went wrong. I still ask who that girl was, and pray I wasn’t as horrible as I think I was to make a decision as that. But then I remember about what I didn’t know. Its an endless cycle for me. I still don’t know how to forgive myself.
I will never forget finding out I was pregnant with my second child. My fiancé and I we’re talking about our lives and future. I went to a local pregnancy center to have my test done . It was positive . I told him he was so excited and happy .. then our world came tumbling down . I told family members they voiced that I had made a bad decision getting pregnant and the best thing for me to do was either get rid of it or sign my rights over as a mother for my daughter. 3/23/18 I’ll never forget feeling helpless, I was scared and nervous at the same time . I didn’t even want to see what my future child would look like because it was so much guilt and pressure of having to get this done . Doctors gave me an IV to sedate and I woke up in pain from recovery . To sum all of that .. since having to deal with that I’m taking medications for anxiety and Depression. I’ll never forget
Almost 50 years ago, I was taken to field north of town, scared, became pregnant, and did not want to hurt my mom as dad had just died of cancer. A friend assured me and gave me all information about where to get abortion. I flew to NYC from IL on Friday and was back home on Saturday afternoon. After that, a despair and depression came over me deeper than anything I ever experienced. I have never felt so alone. I turned to God during this time and he helped me so much. Abortion is permanent. I would give anything to undo it. 50 years later, I regret it as much as ever. I have to wait til heaven to meet my first child. Abortion may look like a fix but it is full of lies and deception. They actually cut up my baby and sucked it out of me! Dr. reassembled it to make sure it was all out. I had no idea going into it all that would occur. I will be sorry all my life.
It started in March 2018, when I and my friend with benefits (currently my boyfriend) found out I was pregnant. We were having finals at that time. And it was shock for me that i will ever go against my ethics my morals. But I had to. I had abortion pills. The pain was still there when I got pregnant with another baby. I figured it out myself. As I was having morning sickness. I was away from my boyfriend at that time. I didnt let him know what was actually going on. I was hoping to have the baby. And I named her after “Summer”. I was dreaming to hold her someday. Her tiny hands,tiny feets, chuuby cheeks thats all I had in my mind. I bought some clothes for her too. After a month I came back to my country. And the day after I told my boyfriend that I have a feeling I’m pregnant again. His face became pale..then the next day we met again. He came with a pregnancy testing kit to check if im faking it. I did the test and showed him. He took me to the hospital for testing my hcg level. The result showed i was two months pregnant. Afterwards we went to many doctors, some of them were against the abortion, because i already had one the previous year. I has praying too hard to hear from him “let’s have the baby, let’s be parents” But that didn’t happen. I had an ultrasound where I could hear the heartbeat of my baby, summer! After hearing that sound, during all the period of time I dont know why I couldn’t not speak up my mind. I was telling to myself “no no I dont want to kill my baby. She’s growing inside me. Im tired of killing. Please let me have her ” but I was doing as he was asking me to do. The clinical abortion day came. He came to my house to take me to the clinic. And i went just like a good girl. I was seating infront of the waiting room wearing those hospital gown. Then I had this courage to speak up that I dont want to go through this procedure. I want to have my baby. If I want to raise it by my own. I will. So I stood up and I moved towards the door. Then the nurse stopped me saying you can’t go outside unless your partner takes you out. I asked to inform my partner that I wanted to speak. But he wasn’t even there. I was forced to go to the room i was crying like a baby that I dont want this abortion i want to hold my baby in my hands. But the doctor seemed reluctant. She told me these are just some hormones you will be fine in 30 minutes. Then i dont remember what happened because they injected me something to put me asleep. I woke up, my partner was seating in front of me and I was smiling just like nothing happened. Ever since that day I still cannot forget myself for not standing up for my baby, for me! It’s been almost 2 years. There is no single day I dont remember what happened to me. I still want to scream loud to those people that I dont want to have the abortion, let me have my baby. I went into chronical depression. I was suicidal. I went to rehab. I tried to hang myself. I was put in the icu for days. When I still talk about it to my partner he’s always like “oh thats been years ago. Forget it” but no i can’t. Because I can’t forget that I stood up for my baby at the final moment. And I looked for my partner to get me out the operation room. I was forcefully asleep by some medication so that those money wrecker can get some money by doing those procedures. The whole incident has shattered my whole life, my plan for life, my goal. I ask myself if I will ever able to forget myself or ill be just like this. In my subconscious mind, I can still hear the heartbeats of my little summer. For those who are reading my letter. Please think before you decide something. Let your mind speak. Dont let others decide what to do. Please