The year 2019 I was very sick, everything I would eat I’d throw up and little by little was losing wait it was horrible, the night I went in that ER thinking something serious was wrong with me turned out me receiving the most shocking news of my life. I received the news without my mom being in the room until it came to the point where she was informed and they had asked me what would I like to do at first she was the one to run and say termination of course but then it came to me to realize the decision I were to make was going to change my life and I decided for my good and for the way my conditions of living were for the best I should abort also because I don’t want to bring a child in the world that I can’t raise right or give it everything it needs, Then came that day sitting in that office I was so scared not for the procedure but for the fact where it stood in my mind if I did or didn’t make the right decision sitting there knowing I was committing a sin regardless the reason and yes I did go thru with it and that never leaves my head that I made that decision now theres many out there that can say so many young women change their lives for there kids and I truly do admire that but is it so wrong my decision towards it was I wasn’t ready nor prepared for this chapter and til this day 2 years later it still affects me and yes i cry but i wish i could know why i still cry so much as well as i write this maybe it does feel good to write my story and let it out after all my body , my decisions . Thank you for reading my story sorry for any misspells or anything typed bad was crying in the process of doing this
I was 14 I had been with my partner for a year who was about 2 years older than me . My parents were going through a separation and we were also moving when I noticed my breast were leaking milk my partner with whom I’m still with today thank u god he recommended intake a pregnancy test but I didn’t want to because I knew . I thought I’d hide and sleep the issue away but the problem was becoming more and more visable . It was august September .. In October I had when ahead and went through with it … I wanted my baby but I was realistic to the reality of me not being able to provide for this child because I couldn’t provide for myself . The fact I was so young I was afraid to bring unwanted problems to my mother and sisters I thought my dad would kill me and my boyfriend I told my partner to get a Job we were both young so work opportunities weren’t just arriving as they do now I tried to get a job I would lie and say I didn’t have papers so people would want to hire me but I would never go because of my situation . His mom knew my mom didn’t she never really liked me and she should’ve told my mom I was pregnant I was staying in her house . As a mother she had no concern for me I literally bothered her so I know that’s why she just sat back and offered no help or comfort what so ever she would just tell me don’t get an abortion I can’t tell Yu what to do but my son wants the baby I tried to leave to another country so I can have my baby there but no one was helping me escape no one was helping me feel safe . So I did what I thought was right which I knew was wrong a permanent damaging fix to a temporary issue .. I cried for 24 hours the night and day before and the whole day of . He tried to stop me the whole day but he didn’t do it the right way I was afraid and I was alone Ofcorse I went through with it only to go to far and then try to turn back at that point I was already being sedated and the surgeon pushed me back to lay down rather than understanding I said wait hold on . I don’t wanna do this but I was sedated I woke up moving around looking for someone asking for my baby … an angelic nurse had hugged me and then left I was bits and pieces after that and I still am I went through so much following this all I know is i tried to stop but it was already too too late god forgive me for my sins and help me forgive myself so i can live in peace because some days are tougher than others and everyday since then I miss my angel I’m 23 now. 10/12/14 until we meet again my guardian
I just turn 19 this year, I discovered I was pregnant when I didn’t get my period, I decided to take a pregnancy and I was so excited. When I found out I was pregnant I decided to hide it from my parent and the rest of the family, I only told how I trusted. My boyfriend was very supportive and was also happy. A week after I started spitting alot, started vomiting every time I brushed my teeth, I tried my best to hide it until my grandmother saw the signs. She suggested I was pregnant to my mother and she flipped, my mother was also in her late pregnancy. She said some horrible things to me, that I was a disgrace and I’m carrying a disgrace into the world and I needed to get rid of it or leave her house, she wouldn’t support me anymore. I was shattered and heartbroken, my boyfriend was still in school he couldn’t help me much, I’m suffering, I’m lost and I feel like I’m losing it. I did something I didn’t wanted to do because everyone kept pressuring me, my boyfriend doesn’t support me getting an abortion but he cannot help me. I just can’t get through this, I spend my days crying and finding ways to end myself and no one notices because no one cares. I can’t even look in the mirror anymore
In 2018 I found out I was pregnant, 7 weeks. My son was 10 at the time and I just become a respiratory therapist a year prior. I was 36 years old and felt like having a baby again was going to end my new career. My husband was shocked when he found out, but not in a good way. He only had negative things to say and never once told me we should keep it. I made an appointment at planned parenthood and started the process, ultrasound, pamphlets, etc. But 3 days before I was scheduled to take the abortion pills I started to bleed. I still went and took the first 2 pills at the office. The doctor told me I was probably already having a miscarriage, so I took the pills. I cried in the office. I cried on the way home. They offered no support. I did the other pills (vaginally) that night. I never felt such pain and was vleeding profusely. I fainted and fell to the floor. I bleed for 6 weeks before going to my PCP. When I told her what I did she hugged me and we cried together. I showed her the ultrasound photo from planned parenthood and she was shocked at where the embryo was located. It was so low, right on my previous Csection scare. She did an exam and told me that my cervix was still dialated and did an ultrasound, I still had remains inside me and had to have a DNC. I still kept bleeding for a few more weeks. We did another ultrasound…I now had a tumor growing in the same spot where my baby was. It grew to the size of a baseball so fast despite having 2 rounds of chemo..it was a placental site trophablastic neoplasia tumor. It was growing rapidly to the point where my doctor told me we need to do a hysterectomy or it could metastasize. I had an emergency hysterectomy 4 months after my abortion. I would have never been able to carry that baby because it was a csection scar ectopic pregnancy and planned parenthood didn’t even notice. I was having a miscarriage and planned parenthood still gave me the abortion pill. I live with such guilt and shame everyday. I cry alone because I have nobody to talk to about this. If I would have done it the right way I would have still needed to terminate the pregnancy because it would have been extremely dangerous. But now I live with knowing that I killed my baby that was already dying…if I would have went to my doctor for support in the first place I wonder if things wouldn’t have gotten so extreme. I pray everyday for forgiveness, but I don’t even feel I should be forgiven. I will carry this guilt and shame till the day I die. Please don’t have an abortion, it seems like an easy fix but it could bring on a whole new set of problems and heartache.
I got pregnant in 2010. I was 22 years old. I didn’t know what to do, I was confused. The only option screaming at me was getting an abortion. Its illegal in my country, so there are very little qualified doctors available to do it. I had a quack do for me and I ended up with complications. Took over a year with lots of hospital visits and medications to feel normal again. It took some time to decide if I wanted an abortion or not, so within that period I started bonding with the baby. Every year I imagine what that baby would have looked like after every year. 11 years down the line, I find myself in the same situation, still feeling lonely, lost and unsure of what to do. 33 years old, 8 weeks gone and still feel like I can’t handle having a child on my own, though every part of me wants the baby. I’m drowning
We were young and I lived in a brutal home. Stepfather’s can be beyond evil. I was on a lot of medicine to handle the trauma of home life. I didn’t dare tell my “parents” I was pregnant. The child was likely going to have some issues because of the medication but I was jot in a position to go to a doctor to find out; there were no privacy laws to protect a 15 year old. We went to PP and I was told that the baby “would feel nothing; it was “not yet capable of feeling” – but I was beyond 4 months. My boyfriend suggested the abortion – I didn’t even know such a thing existed. I went forward with it – a vacuum procedure and it was painful, horrifying and all I wanted was to die. Later I found out the baby does feel being torn limb from limb. I haven’t nor will I ever get over this! My then-boyfriend is also still struggling with the after effects. God help you if you ever meet a person that thinks that what my baby and I went through os “OK” – that person IS shear evil.
Don’t do it. I still think about it every day for the past 33 years. I have birthed 4 wonderful children. The first conceived only a few months after the abortion. Atonement or so I thought. It didn’t solve or cover up anything. But know that we have a Redeemer and merciful God who forgives everything. Although I don’t know if I will ever forgive myself, I am certain that Jesus has! I can tell you what I was believing at the time (from Satan, no doubt) but listen only to the voice of the spirit of god who loves you and you can rescue you from any situation and make it beautiful!!!