I told no one else about the pregnancy

I was pressured by my boyfriend to have an abortion. When I told him I was pregnant, my first pregnancy, he responded with, “I’ll pay for it”. This struck me deeply, in ways I would not fully comprehend until years later. First, he was living with me and buying groceries, but not helping with rent or utilities. Second, he was selfish with his money when it came to holidays and vacations. Why did he so readily offer to pay for the abortion? When I asked why that was the only solution, he replied saying that it would ruin his life, his mom and dad would be so disappointed in him, and (not sure where this came from) that he’d probably have to join the military. Not one word about me or the baby. I was very broken, all those years ago. 30 years, ago, this year. My relationships with men involved only broken men with drinking issues or feelings of inadequacy issues. I was out to fix men. I was going to save them. I made my appointment, went to the clinic a week later, with my bag of essentials packed that the receptionist listed for me to bring. I felt so empty and isolated. I told no one else about the pregnancy. If my boyfriend looked at the baby as a mistake, it must be, I told myself. I felt like a mistake, myself. But, I prayed, and I had been reaching out to God, for the past 2 weeks. A God I did not know so well, even though I grew up in the church. I was afraid to be a single mom, in a city with no family, and no real friend connections, that I felt, at this point. I was afraid to loose my job, because of the nature of my work. But, I walked out of that abortion clinic that day. I did loose my job, I could not forgive my boyfriend, and our relationship ended, although he was trying. 3 years ago, my son and my pastor baptized me and I gave my life to Christ. My son gave his life to Christ, after many years of pain and suffering. God has used him to bring others to Christ. I am still in awe of God’s grace and mercy and so grateful that He saved us both.