Making the decision to end my baby’s life seemed like the easiest thing I’d ever done. Even though I had wanted to be pregnant, I was completely shocked to find out I was. Going to the college health service was one of the worst things I’ve ever done. There, a woman of a different race told me that an abortion could help me learn a lot about the relationship I had with my boyfriend, that it might help me to see things more clearly. Later, I would realize that this woman “advising” me had probably never even been pregnant. She was just telling me propaganda. And I was believing it. I couldn’t help but wonder if she was encouraging me to get rid of my baby because of my race and the assumed race of my baby. She was not alone, however, in her encouragement for me to terminate my pregnancy. I had always just assumed I’d have an abortion if I got pregnant. A doctor had once told my mother, when I was a teenager and thought I was pregnant, that it wouldn’t be difficult to just “go in and get it out.” Unfortunately, I was surrounded by “friends” who’d had abortions and seemed unscathed by the experience. One had just had an abortion, being that her boyfriend at the time was a waiter and she didn’t think he was making enough money. Another “friend” got pregnant a few months before her wedding and got that baby out of her so that she could wear her wedding dress. Another had an abortion with her future husband, being that she was still in school. Nobody seemed to have any regrets. So, I figured I could do it, too. I had my baby daughter killed on Good Friday, 1996. The abortionist and his helpers were no help. I said something about being nervous and an older nurse smiled at me and said, “It’s just nerves.” Later, I would realize that it wasn’t “just nerves,” but rather, it was my baby’s attempt to save her life. If only I’d waited a few days, but I was trying to get the procedure done as quickly as possible. I was never the same. My boyfriend stayed with me, although we had killed his baby. I went into trauma, dumped my sweet boyfriend that I loved, and immediately started sleeping with a guy I ended up marrying. He and I have three children together, and are now considering divorce, as I was in trauma as I started dating him. I tried to make him into the father of my daughter and that pressure to make him into another person placed a tremendous strain on our marriage. I began to drink a lot of alcohol. I miss my daughter. She would be almost 27 now. I did something so wrong to my sweet boyfriend and his family. I am so sorry. My boyfriend is a genius and I can’t help but wonder what our baby would be like now. I’m so sorry I will never know that on this earth. Yes, it seemed like such an easy decision. Killing my baby seemed like the right decision. I realize now that the only reason it seemed that way was because of the massive amount of pro-abortion propaganda. God has forgiven me, but sometimes, it is tough to forgive myself. What have we gotten to as a society, where it’s okay and even encouraged to kill a baby? Please take some time and ask God for advice. I certainly wish I had done that.
seemed like the easiest thing I’d ever done