33 years ago

I had been dating the boy I was supposed to marry. We had our whole lives planned out. We had been together since we were just kids. Then our world was flipped upside down. We found out we were pregnant right after my 17th birthday. Both our parents were going to absolutely lose it. We told them right before Christmas, and we were right. They instantly decided for us that the only option was abortion. His parents said they would send him away to live with relatives and we would never see each other again , my parents said I would be out on the streets with nothing. Even my boyfriend chose the parents side and I eventually had no one to support me. The appointment was scheduled for January 21st and there was no further discussion. My mother drove me that morning and I checked in. I remember everything from what I wore to sitting in the back room with all these other women waiting to be called. Everyone was older than me, from all different walks of life. I sat quietly with hot tears rolling down my face when the ultrasound person told me I was 8 weeks and 4 days. Afterwards I was so hurt and betrayed by everyone in my life that I couldn’t even look at my boyfriend anymore. He hadn’t stuck up for me or protected me! I hated myself and everyone involved. I broke up with the love of my life and married the next guy I met. I immediately got pregnant as a way to make it up to myself and I was never able to bond with my baby after she was born. This decision has affected so many things in every way. My mental health and family life. I have suffered with depression my entire adult life. I still see that boy and he is so unaffected and I just want to scream at him and make him go through 1/8th of what I have. It’s so unfair that he has been so unfazed.