Men Testimonials

My son was killed on December 3rd, 2021. He was 20 weeks, fully formed and just a few weeks from being able to survive outside of the womb of his mother. His name was Moon. I was not informed by my partner she intended to kill our son. I wasn’t even told of his death for 11 days. I was clueless. As a father of five other children, they are my life. Three are grown and successful and I was so eager to meet me son. I will never understand. There were no obstacles at all to allowing him to live. Moon was never able to see this world, to feel my touch, and my grief is beyond imagination. Fathers are deeply impacted by abortion — I would argue even more so when they are not even given an opportunity to plead for the life of their child. The betrayal involved in keeping a father in the dark over the life of his child, is only matched by the cruelty of taking a sin-free life in a barbaric abortion. It is so tragic and Moon is lost forever.

My 30-year-old son told me that his girlfriend of 6 years is pregnant. They are a very unstable couple. The girl has a child from a previous relationship, and gave up custody to the paternal grandparents. Knowing the situation, my wife and I realized that some of this burden would fall on us. We encouraged them to keep the baby. We reassured them that we would help in every way. My son pressured her to get an abortion. I told him, “I don’t want you to live with guilt, but I want you to be the kind of person that does feel guilt.” They killed that baby, and they both felt terrible guilt. 9 months later, they are pregnant again, and they are not going to kill it. Terminating that pregnancy achieved nothing but death and guilt. I’m ashamed that my son killed his first offspring, and my first grandchild.

When I share my story and say “I had an abortion.” some people look at me as if I’m crazy.

‘Men don’t have abortions…’ they may think. They’re wrong.

I was part of the decision. I drove the girl to the clinic. I paid the bill. I waited in the lobby. I drove her home. I tried to comfort her. I tried to comfort myself…and I’ve been trying to comfort myself ever since. Decades later, I live with the knowledge that I am responsible for my baby’s death. It was a contract killing, plain and simple. Her beating heart was stopped because I didn’t want the responsibility. I was scared. Selfish. I just wanted to have a good time, and it wasn’t a ‘good time’ for me to start a family. So, instead of having the responsibility of raising a child, I became (and still am) responsible for the death of my developing child. The lie is that it’s not a big deal…you’ll get over it. Unless you have no heart, it will haunt you. I have many regrets, but aborting my baby girl is the biggest one of all – the worst thing I ever did. I’ve learned to accept it. Through recovery, I’ve been able to heal…but I’ll never forget it and I’ll never believe it was the right thing to do.

Facing the truth, facing responsibilities…these things are hard…but now, many years later and blessed with a son I don’t deserve – I have no regrets about making the right choice after making the wrong one. Just because it’s ‘legal’ doesn’t make it morally and ethically okay. Be the man I couldn’t be. Do the right thing. Please.

In August of 1991, I had a girlfriend who had been legally separated for 8 months. The state of Virginia required a 12 month separation before granting divorce. We were young and spent too much time in bars, then not caring about using protection because “it felt better”. She got pregnant and was scared of losing her adorable 3 year old girl, who had stolen my heart. At the time, I subscribed to the lie it was all a woman’s choice and a man had no say since it did not affect them. Wrong. I gave her the $375 for the abortion and she went with her friend to get it done. She did not want to risk being seen with me. A few days after it was over, she broke things off. Then two weeks later, I looked in the bathroom mirror and said “You murdered your child”. I wanted to kill myself and would have swallowed a gun if I had one. I was only 22. If not for my childhood best friend whom I called, I would have found a way. We talked for 2-3 hours. We prayed together and I found forgiveness from God, but not myself. I think I lasted a little over a year before I walked away from God. I met someone and got married. I never healed from that abortion and it effected my marriage. Eleven years later, I was divorced. This time I found God for real and held on, but I still had that hurt deep inside. It was not until almost 30 years later that I found a way to forgive myself, but not on my own. It took another late night of crying out to God over the hurt that I had done to my little girl. I never knew the sex, but I know it was a little girl in my heart. That July summer night, I was able to forgive myself and ask her for forgiveness. I had seen a movie where moms had named their child and wrote a card to them saying how sorry they were. Then they tied it to balloons and released them to float up to Heaven to them. I did the same. I still have an empty spot in my heart and a sense of loss, but there is no more hurt, anger, or disgust anymore.

Chuck

My name is Christopher, and I met a young woman last year at a job we shared. She was the sweetest girl I had met in a long time. We started talking, she liked aliens and I love a good conspiracy. We started to go to AA meetings together, as we had recovery in common. I couldn’t be happier with life and how things were going. The young woman and I talked more and more and we were seeing each other a lot weekly. I would pick her up, we would spend time at my apartment, go to meetings, just hang out and have some freedom in a sense. She had been staying at a sober living house and I suggested she move in with me because it would be cheaper and we were already getting along very well. We spent Christmas together and made each other xmas stockings, both alien themed and we didn’t know it. I had left that job and took another job by then, she was still working there at the original place. So, one day she picked me up from work after a shift and she was quiet. In a moment she picked up something from her console in the car and showed me, it was two pregnancy tests, both positive.. I was a little shocked and surprised but I remained quiet for a minute before I talked with her. She seemed a big shocked herself. Over time, we talked and I reassured her how important this child means to me, it would be my first child. I am 37. I was thinking “I am so ready to be a father, finally, God had seen me without child and blessed me and this woman.” Her and I held off on telling our family for while. We had conversations about possible abortion. I told her I felt like this truly was a blessing and we must love this child and be this child’s parents. We scheduled regular on/gym visits and I was at every one. I got to see the awesome ultrasounds and saw my baby’s heart flicker and beats per minute. This baby is real and this is gonna happen!! Couldn’t be more excited. We had received notice the landlord had sold the place and we had to move. My mother was kind and let us move in. We began to stay with mom in her extra room. It was a little small but it worked for a Temporary solution. We eventually told our parents and my mom was very very happy and excited for us. She had told her mom and dad and they both were very supportive about it and happy. We were a good team, she loved to work and make money and so did I, I felt like I didn’t care for money like she did though. It wasn’t what was most important in my mind. Not as much as I felt like I needed to focus on family and foundation. I know money drives our reality and I work hard. So I got a job at this factory/plant and started making more money, gained full benefits, plenty of overtime. She quit her original job, the one we met at and went to work as a server at a restaurant making better money through tips. Everything seemed to be great. We hit the 20 week mark and headed to the ob/gyn again. This was a very special day because we got to see the baby and hear the baby again on the ultrasound. I was so happy when I saw the screen and baby has a fully formed baby shape, legs, arms, fingers and toes. We learned baby was a boy! Oh joy we are going to have a boy!! He had gave “thumbs up” as if he was showing us he was all ok and good inside mommy. So shared the news with family and friends and they were all excited. The child’s mom however, didn’t seem excited like all the rest of us. I listed to her tell me how she didn’t think she was ready to be a mother. For a period of time she didn’t even want to talk about the pregnancy and Anything to do with him or son. I tried to ask her opinion, tried to interest her in picking out clothes online from the gift cards the ob/gyn gifted us. She didn’t want nothing to do with anything. This is not a good signs and I tried to communicate with her about how she feels. How I could see it wasn’t a bad thing but agreed that this will be a challenge, one I am ready for. After sometime, we moved out of my.mothers and started staying with her mother. It was alright for a little while but issues arose and we left there and stayed at her dad’s. She was about 5-6 months pregnant now. I had been looking for a place for us to rent for a long while, several weeks or so. Finally we got a break and I found one near both our jobs, this could work. I made arrangements and looked at the place and liked it a lot, nice neighborhood to be a starter family home. 2 bed 2 bath with yard and patios. Great. So we just had to get the money together and we were alright. It’s July now, 6-7 months pregnant now and we had bought baby supplies and had been gifted things from family. I made arrangements to get a crib and some baby furniture, bassinet, car seat. All set to sign the lease and move in. So we both go to get our money orders and go meet the landlord. We get the tour, well, I get it a second time. She gets to see it the first time. And well we end up signing for this place.. great right? I would say yes because it’s not easy to get a place with a record. Well. She decided to sign but stay at her fathers because she has to help her sister out who has appointments she has to be taken to.. and naturally I’m all ok with it. So I move in, and tried to talk with her on the phone through text. She would talk to me and things seemed normal. At some points she would tell me how she felt like she didn’t want to be a mom. And how she wanted to adopt the child to someone else. I had been understanding with her but I was very straightforward and honest that I wanted to be my son’s father, and I wanted to take care of him even if she just decided she didn’t want to be a part of his life. She kept telling me she just “wants to make her dad proud” several occasions she said this. I said she is making her dad proud by being sober, working better jobs now. He even told her this in front of me that we were doing better… Well, she contacted the adoption agency. They had me served with notice, I responded by filing the putative father’s registry with the state. Filed a Petition for Paternity family case….. Now looking back I wish I didn’t… I can’t imagine what exactly happened but. She messaged me exactly a month after signing the lease, and told me she had had a late term abortion over state lines and that she hopes I’m ok and will cope well with it. I don’t know what happened but she filed a statement saying to the court where our family case is that she “did in fact have an abortion” but “it wasn’t 32 weeks like I said in my complaint” …. Bull, it was too his due date was 10/13 and I did the math. I don’t know if she did this or not. I know a time frame when she may have had this done in a small timeframe of 2 weeks.. between 07/24 – 08/07… This has numbed me, I can hardly function. I am doing all I can to focus on the case and to do everything I have to do to prepare. I left my job because I had no time to prepare for this case. I have no lawyer, no lawyer really even wants to represent this kind of case. I had got a couple of part time jobs. Worked them for a couple days a piece, I just can’t function anymore. I’m trying not to lose my place. I stay up looking up how I can fight this. If I try to imagine where my son is I can’t it just brings so many different feelings and powerful emotions I just stop thinking and block it out and refocus on the case. I just want to curl up and not so anything. Not eat, not move, not anything. The most horrible experience is to be told your son had been aborted 9 or 10 weeks before he was to come and change my world forever.