I FELT BETRAYED

Hello, I’m choosing to remain anonymous for my safety and the safety of others. At the age of 19, I found myself in an unstable situation, living in a broken home environment with my boyfriend. We were struggling financially and lacked the means to provide for what we soon discovered was going to be our ‘baby.’ The realization of my pregnancy initially brought overwhelming joy, but my joy was quickly overshadowed by the harsh reality of our circumstances. As I grappled with the news, my thoughts echoed with the harsh reality that bringing a child into our current situation wasn’t safe or feasible. The internal conflict intensified as I debated the best course of action. Ultimately, I felt compelled to consider abortion, acknowledging that our living conditions were far from ideal. Sharing this decision with my boyfriend led to a heated argument. While he agreed with the practical challenges we faced, I couldn’t help but feel a deep sense of betrayal. The internal struggle between my desire to keep the baby and the harsh reality of our circumstances intensified the emotional turmoil. I found myself harboring anger towards my boyfriend, as well as disappointment in myself for allowing our situation to reach this point. I hated the decision that was wrong, but it was right to do in my situation because it was the truth. I let my fantasy turn into reality. I wanted to keep my baby; I wanted to nurture them, but I couldn’t. I blame myself every day and wonder how I could’ve made a better decision, one that didn’t involve betraying myself or others. The weight of the choice I made lingers, and I grapple with the consequences, questioning if there was a path that would have spared us all this pain. Thank you for reading this and please take care of yourself the most in these situations, It’s okay to feel these type of emotions.