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I just wrote and submitted my testimonial, but immediately realized I submitted it too soon. There is something else— and I feel it is SO hugely important, that I Pray it too will be posted. Aside from the lifelong paralyzing pain, guilt, shame, sorrow, graphic nightmares, and fear of going to Hell for MURDERING my own child😭😭😭, there is THIS😭: I never again in my life was able to become pregnant😭 A little girl who all she ever wanted was to be a MOM😭— that little girl is now a CHILDLESS WOMAN😭😭 ME.😭😭 I view it as God punishing me for what I did😭😭 God feeling He gave me this gift once before— He saw what I did with that precious gift😭😭— he’s not going to take that chance again😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
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Have you contacted Rachel’s Vineyard aka Project Rachel? It is a healing ministry for post abortion women, men and former abortionists to receive the mercy and forgiveness that can only be found thru our Lord Jesus Christ. As He was dying on the cross, the man on the cross next to Him was a murderer who admitted his sin and asked the Lord to “Remember me, when you come into your kingdom.” What was Jesus’ response? Compassion, forgiveness, love and Jesus told him, “Today, you will be with me in Paradise.” Not in hell. The Lord paid the price for your sin and mine on the cross. I’m sure you have asked God’s forgiveness a thousand times or more. But you can only receive absolution thru the Sacrament of Reconciliation. I highly recommend that you find a holy and reputable Catholic, Orthodox, or Missouri Synod Lutheran priest to meet with and receive God’s healing forgiveness and hear the words of Christ thru the priest when you are absolved of your sins. Then please go on the weekend Rachel’s Vineyard retreat to name your baby, who you will meet someday in paradise. God bless you and your baby.
I feel for you because you not only lost your baby because you simply didn’t think it through and were pressured at a young age, but now can’t have another one. God knows we make mistakes in judgments and deeds every day and Jesus died because he loves us and KNOWS our human frailty. There’s a movie (Pay it Forward) that has had a great impact and I try every day to live the “pay it forward” principle. Turning your grief into energy with God’s help, can be the propellant to make a difference in other young girls/women’s lives by sharing and being part of their lives as they struggle with small children. You, my dear, have a gift of conscience and righteousness recognized – you can make a difference in your circle of influence and become part of God’s family of believers. There are lot of girls who need your help desperately. Your healing will start there. PS: I talk to Jesus daily – DIRECTLY – but the fellowship of believers can be a good support system to help you up and wipe your tears. Seek them out. And whether you know it or not, you are loved. Take a deep breath, close your eyes, hug yourself, thank God for giving you a renewed purpose in life and then pursue it with all you’ve got. You can be the one who makes a difference for good. Jesus was one person and look at the difference he made on earth. You are one person too.