The hardest decision I made in life

I was 27 weeks 8 days pregnant I had thought about abortion from day one because I didn’t really have the family support I’m basically living out of my trunk barely making ends meet my family didn’t know I was pregnant but I already have a 4 year old son and I don’t have the responsibility of him so I was ashamed to tell them I was pregnant again my boyfriend was pushing for the abortion because he wasn’t ready for a child and he treated me horrible the whole time I was pregnant emotional abuse I had called so many clinics and never went to the appointments maybe 20 Appointments at different places until finally I was so far along I had to call way from Florida to Washington DC Because they were the only state that late term abortions were allowed i called the DC fund they agreed to pay 9,200$ for the procedure to be done all I had to do was arrange for my flight and hotel stay I rescheduled 5 times with them as well because I got use to his little kicks and the comfort of having someone with me every night I built a bond with him if I didn’t eat he would kick and I would hurry to eat cause I didn’t want him to be hungry I would play with my belly just to see if he would kick back and he had a nick name it was areli I would say you stop that areli so I arrange another date at the clinic and I miss my flight and it was a sign and I should have took that sign but my bf emotional abused me and booked Me another flight the pressure I was under I really actually believed I had no choice the day after the procedure I came to reality and I lost my mind I didn’t feel his kicks anymore in the morning telling me to eat no movement and I realized I was happy with my baby he didn’t even get a chance in the world I don’t get a chance to see his hands feet toes ears it’s a painful feeling I never felt so empty in my life to where I don’t even feel I can go on as a mother nobody realizes what we to through the changes my body went through for 7 months just to let a clinic discard of my baby like he was nothing I came back from my procedure and I still don’t have the support I need to get through this and I’m a Christian i went against everything I believed in I wish I could go back I wish I could feel his kicks again I’m hurt I’m really damaged emotionally I don’t recommend abortion to anyone no matter what’s going on even if you don’t have support god will make a way the after math is so unbearable that’s all I Have to say