I don’t know if this will ever be read but it’s something I want to speak about as I think about it every single day. I was three days from my 21st birthday when I found out I was pregnant from A guy I barely knew who couldn’t give two craps about me. I was alone when I found out and I was also pro life. I had all these plans for my 21st birthday that I now had to go through with while I was pregnant. I will admit it I always said I could never do it until it happened to me and now I’m an advocate. All I have been taught my whole life is that I will be sent straight to hell for what I have just done to my what could’ve been child. My heart and mind are in so much pain that I don’t acknowledge until the Feeling randomly comes up in a series of anxiety and panic attacks when I’m least expecting it. When I told the guy he got me pregnant he cash app me $600 and didn’t say a word to me. My friends I live with would get a abortion with no remorse so they have no idea how I’m feeling. I had no money left to even buy myself pads for the pill I was about to take. It’s not a big deal I told myself because it was just a grain of rice but it is a big deal to me because I want my own family someday end nobody was there to help me through it.
It’s now been six months and I’m in agony holding this massive grudge on my shoulder. I know I would be a great mom and in the end would have support from people but my depression was so bad I didn’t think I’d be able to survive it myself. I have to keep pausing to even type this because it sends me into such a panic over hunched over screaming and crying. Why would I talk about it? because I really want to but nobody around me understands and has experienced such. I’ve been angry and emotional ever since on A downward spiral in life. I will never be the same I’m in so much pain that I don’t know how to heal or where to even start I feel like I am going to be miserable for life. I feel like I don’t deserve children anymore. Like I don’t deserve a family of my own one day. I feel like I’m being dramatic and so many people get them why should I be sad right? But I can be sad and I can grieve because you don’t get to tell me how to feel. My feelings are valid and I have every right to feel the way I do.
My abortion story after being Catholic for 21 years
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Dear Catholic and 21,
Please reach out to your local Catholic Church and ask to speak to a Holy priest who will give you the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Then ask him about “Rachel’s Vineyard,” which is a ministry for post-abortive women to be able to share your pain openly with those who are also victims of abortion. “Come let us reason, together. Though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow. Though they be red as crimson, they shall be as wool.” Isaiah Chapter 1 verse 18. May our Lord bless you .
I’m praying for your hurting soul tonight and I’m crying on your behalf.
I’m so grateful for the hope found in Jesus Christ. He makes things new. He was innocent but died for all who were guilty. He gives NEW LIFE.
You don’t deserve to have a family. No one does. We are all sinners, every single one of us. But God is so good. The Bible says He removes our sin from us “as far as the East is from the West”.
I pray you find life and hope in the only One who can give it.
You can be born again:
John 3:3-7 KJV
Jesus answered and said unto him, “Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.”Nicodemus saith unto him, “How can a man be born when he is old? can he enter the second time into his mother’s womb, and be born?” Jesus answered, “Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God. That which is born of the flesh is flesh; and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. Marvel not that I said unto thee, Ye must be born again.”
God loves YOU.
John 3:16
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
Romans 10:13
For whosever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
I invite you to be born into the family of God. He will be your Heavenly Father and you will be a new person. He offers freedom to you. He paid the price for your freedom already.
I love you and I pray you find the peace of Gods that passes all understanding.
Religion won’t help you. Faith in Jesus Christ alone will.