Forced to abort multiple pregnancies

I hope that my story in some way, may help the next woman in this situation. I wish I had the support and knowledge then. I am now 43 years old, I have two beautiful sons, both adults now. I had my eldest son born in 1998,I was just 20. His father and I ended our relationship when he was just over a year old. I had moved and gotten a place for us. Within that year I met my youngest sons father. We sparked up a romance and he moved in with me shortly after. That following year my youngest son was born in 2001. Through out my whole pregnancy, he was happy and excited with me. He read all the books, went to classes with me, everything. We were a happy blended little family. Later that year I became pregnant, and when I told him he became quite mad. I was told to make an appointment and abort my pregnancy. I refused and we argued for days. He broke me down and used my heart against me. He held our son over my head threatening that he would take him and leave. He would be little me and make me feel worthless and undeserving of motherhood. I was backed into a corner I couldn’t escape from. I was heartbroken at what I did. I was filled with shame and guilt and regret. My moral compass went crazy. I attempted leaving him after this, I took my two boys and went and stayed with a family member. I was forced by him to come back. He told me he’d have me arrested for kidnapping, out of fear I went back. This happened two more times throughout the years. I was forced to abort three pregnancies while with him. Due to him assaulting me and me filling a restraining order and him breaking it and going to jail, needless to say this ended our relationship permanently. We stayed together long enough to work out the details of our son. I was going to take my boys and go to NY and stay with my father and he would go to S.C. He started telling me his mother was ill and he wanted to take our son so he could get to know how grandma, while I got settled in. I was against this knowing in my heart that I’d never get him back. I also thought it selfish of me to not allow him to have time with his grandma. So under the circumstances I agreed. Days before our parting ways I ended up in the hospital having an ectopic pregnancy and needed surgery. While in recovery he brought my son in to say goodbye and left. What a great guy right? I came home with an empty womb to an empty house, I feel to the floor and cried my self to sleep. I had made attempts to get my son from him and me and his brother always left empty handed. I had my own place, a job, a car and I was ready for my son to home home with us. Once he found out I was seeing somebody his whole demeanor changed and within a couple months I received a notice from his states court for custody. I called him frantic asking what this was and he laughed and said that I would never have our son. He was granted custody, and I was ordered to pay support. My womanly time of month became a nightmare for me. I was bleeding way more than normal with huge clots and extreme pain. In early 2014 I had to have back surgery, during this the doctors noticed masses in my imaging and I was told that after I healed enough to get it checked out. By October it was confirmed that I had several masses in my uterus and that I would need a hysterectomy. That December on my youngest sons birthday I was in surgery. I was so distraught over not ever being able to have children again. The abortions really screwed up my uterus. I wish that that was the end of my nightmare, unfortunately there is more. While in recovery from the hysterectomy, I became very ill, it took the doctors a week to discover that I had a hole in my bladder and that one of my tubes had been stitched shut. I was rushed to another hospital for emergency surgery which took 9 hours. Not only was a hole cut into my bladder and my tube stitched shut, but my bladder had been sewn to the wall of my vagina and the wall of my rectum and two foreign objects were removed from within me. This whole experience has been a nightmare for me, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, physically and financially. My story may be one of the more extreme cases, and what happened to me is my experience but if for some reason you find yourself in a similar circumstance take this advise here. Do not ever back down, do what you feel in your own heart is right for you. Don’t let others make a decision about your body and mental and physical health.