17 and in denial

I was 17 when I had an abortion at 20-25 weeks. I was naive and thought I was in love with the first boyfriend I had. I don’t remember how far a long I really was because I was in denial for long. I didn’t tell my family and had no support from my then boyfriend, who dumped me for another girl he had gotten pregnant around the same time. When my mom finally confronted me about it, I confessed and she said I wasn’t going to have this baby. Her and my sister took me to the doctor where I was given a referral for planned parenthood. I had the procedure done within a 2-3 day span. I was numb and didn’t question my mother or anything. I never asked how far along I was or the gender. I was in shock and scared. I couldn’t believe this was happening, how did I let it get this far. My mother and sister swore secrecy and vowed to never tell a soul not even my own father. For the longest time I didn’t have regrets and didn’t really think about it until more recently. Now I’m 38 and have 3 amazing boys and a wonder husband but I always think about the what if’s. I regret not having a choice and not speaking up. I regret not talking about this and not grieving. Now I can’t see abortion pictures or read about it. It physically makes me feel uneasy and so sad. I don’t feel healed and now I understand that about myself.