27 years ago 

I sit writing this with tears and feeling such pain. I haven’t felt this way in a long time. Sure there are many times over the years that I have thought of that dreadful day when I made the decision to end my child’s life but it’s been 27 years and the pain and regret still doesn’t leave me and I know it never will.
This is my story. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was 20 years old. My boyfriend at the time was in college and didn’t want a child. I was 1400 miles living away from my family and didn’t know what to do so I ended up doing the only thing I could do with no money and no job I called home. Mom and dad sent me money to come home and that’s what I did. So there I was surrounded by my family and still “my problem” remained. I was scared and confused. My parents were in favor of me having an abortion. My friends thought it was best. So I reached out to planned parenthood. They gave me all the information I needed. I was 10 weeks along that day when I went for my “procedure.” As I waited in that waiting room with my mom I could hear the cries of other women who had gone in before me. Part of me wanted to run but mostly I just wanted it to be over.
It was now my turn to go in. They gave me 2 Motrin beforehand and told me to relax. All I could do was cry. They told me I still had time to wait if I wasn’t sure I wanted to go through with it but I said no. The cramping hurt so bad and then in a matter of minutes it was over. They told me not to look over at the machine they used. Then I was sent to a room to have crackers and juice and to talk with someone. Then I was sent home. I cried all that night and had terrible cramping. I knew what I did was wrong. That night I got on my knees and prayed to God to forgive me.
Time moved on and I went on with life trying to forget about what I had done. I got a job as a waitress and met my now husband. We got married and I got pregnant with my first baby boy. We started going to church and I became a born again believer. Jesus is my Lord and Savior. Hallelujah! When I became a believer is when I recognized that I was a sinner and it really made me think about my abortion. I ended up going to counseling which helped me so much. I know that I have been forgiven by God the day I believed in him and acknowledged that I am a sinner and that Jesus died on the cross for my sins and that someday he is going return and I will have eternal life. I have been blessed with an amazing husband and 5 wonderful boys. I now I have 3 daughter in laws and a beautiful granddaughter and another grand baby on the way. Praise the Lord! That being said the memory of my abortion and the pain remains like on this night.
For any of you that may read this and are hurting I’m so sorry but know you are not alone. If you don’t know Jesus as your Lord and savior all you have to is call upon Him. Acknowledge you are a sinner and believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and you shall be saved. You will be forgiven. May God bless each and every one of you and know that He is holding all of our babies in His care.