A decision I will always be ashamed of and guilt that never stops tormenting me

The year 2019 I was very sick, everything I would eat I’d throw up and little by little was losing wait it was horrible, the night I went in that ER thinking something serious was wrong with me turned out me receiving the most shocking news of my life. I received the news without my mom being in the room until it came to the point where she was informed and they had asked me what would I like to do at first she was the one to run and say termination of course but then it came to me to realize the decision I were to make was going to change my life and I decided for my good and for the way my conditions of living were for the best I should abort also because I don’t want to bring a child in the world that I can’t raise right or give it everything it needs, Then came that day sitting in that office I was so scared not for the procedure but for the fact where it stood in my mind if I did or didn’t make the right decision sitting there knowing I was committing a sin regardless the reason and yes I did go thru with it and that never leaves my head that I made that decision now theres many out there that can say so many young women change their lives for there kids and I truly do admire that but is it so wrong my decision towards it was I wasn’t ready nor prepared for this chapter and til this day 2 years later it still affects me and yes i cry but i wish i could know why i still cry so much as well as i write this maybe it does feel good to write my story and let it out after all my body , my decisions . Thank you for reading my story sorry for any misspells or anything typed bad was crying in the process of doing this