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An Empty Spot in My Heart

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I had just started dating my boyfriend and found out that I was pregnant. I was forced into abortion. Everytime I would express that I wanted to keep our baby, who we named Caleb, he threatened to tell my parents. I’m 29 but I was scared. I had just found out that I was in nursing school. He has a good job. We could have made it work. Other girls in my nursing class have babies and children. They are doing fine. The day after I got the abortion I found out that my boyfriend had seen another girl. He made me kill Caleb for the girl. We are still together. There is not a day in my life that goes by that I don’t miss Caleb. I cry. I have a lot of guilt. It was my job to protect my baby and I failed. It’s hard knowing that I should be 5 months pregnant now. I’ll never get to hold my baby. I look at his ultrasound and I see a happy baby. He actually looks like a Caleb. Surprisingly, my boyfriend feels guilt and sadness as well. Abortion is not the solution if you have any hesitation. I regret not keeping caleb. I was looking into adoption as well. I still have the letter from the agency on my refrigerator. I hope that caleb is happy where he is. I hope that he is looking down at me and his dad knowing that we wish he was here and that we are making decisions to make him proud. I feel like I have an empty spot in my heart and that spot is for Caleb.

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