Don’t do it!!!!

As a 59 year old, I cry everyday, I feel like I’m losing my mind. My baby is dead. I don’t even know if it was a boy or a girl. I let them kill my baby because my parents gave me no choice but to have an abortion. I was 15 years old. I was too young to understand what was going to happen. My mom and dad was so angry at me. My dad made my mom and brother take me to a clinic about 2 hours away, the next day. They did an ultrasound and I was too far along to have a regular abortion. I was 18 weeks. So I had to go to another clinic to have the baby. Scared and lone. The nurses were so mean to me. They talked down to me like I was a nobody. They had no idea what I had already been through. See… I was raped by an old boyfriend. My parents didn’t even care. It would shame our family. My experience was horrible. They took me to a room and stick a long needle in my stomach. I had not idea they were killing my baby like that. They didn’t tell me what they were doing. I was scared and in shock. They put me in a hospital bed and told me I would go into labor and have it. A day later after having contractions, I went to the restroom to pee. The babies body came out and the head got stuck. All I could see was it’s body, hands and feet. I tried to see what is was a boy or girl. I couldn’t tell. I rang the call bell and the nurse was not in any hurry and finally came in and got a cloth and pulled it’s head out. I will never forget this day as long as I live. I wished I had ran as fast as I could and found a women’s shelter for me to stay at to have the baby. Some way some how we would had made it. I would have that precious baby with me today. I’ve been in therapy years and years off and on. It doesn’t help. I’m not a happy person. I hate myself. If only I could have tried to run away, if I had to known where to go. If you are thinking about doing it, please don’t. I relive it everyday 24/7. It will eat you alive. I know my baby is in Heaven and I will meet him or her one day but I can’t live like this anymore. I’m dead inside and out…… Only the Grace of God can I get me through this. I need your prayers. Thank you in advance.