Homeless and pregnant 

I am writing this testimony in desperate hope that it will prevent someone else from making the same mistake I did. The past year of my life I have been homeless living in an old RV, in a new state. I met a guy and we started seeing each other, and it wasn’t too long before he moved in with me (and my two cats) because he didn’t have anywhere to live either. He had been bouncing around between places before he met me. 3 months into it I find out I’m pregnant. I cried when I saw the positive pregnancy test not because I was happy but because I was terrified. Homeless with no steady income and no family to turn to for help. I was already 34 and never planned on having kids and never been pregnant before. The first three weeks after finding out I kinda just went through the motions of taking a prenatal and eating healthy. But soon the thoughts of abortion started creeping in. I mentioned it to my boyfriend but he really wanted the baby. At around this time, his younger brother who is addicted to opiates got out of jail and my bf left me to go babysit him, and started doing drugs with him. He quickly turned into a person I didn’t recognize anymore. I freaked out and went ahead with the abortion. I didn’t want to raise a baby without a father and in poverty. I went to a planned parenthood and they treated it as just a standard procedure. No one talked to me about what I was REALLY doing. They sedated me and got it over with pretty quick. It happened so fast yet replays in my memory over and over. I went to a friends house after to recover and sleep for a few hours. I didn’t really feel anything that day, the sedatives were strong. When I woke up the next morning the reality hit me of what I had done. I still felt very much pregnant but there was no baby inside me. I felt empty. Like a part of my soul had left me. As the weeks passed the pain grew stronger and stronger and so did the regret that came along with it. I missed my baby and wanted to have her back more than anything. It is now 3 months post abortion and I feel completely empty inside. I do not enjoy life and have no desire to go on. The reason I had the abortion was so that I could get my life together and get out of my situation. I’ve never been homeless before so this is all new to me. Now I don’t even care about that. I don’t feel that I even deserve to have a house to live in . I’m turning 35 in a few weeks and I am dreading my birthday because I don’t feel that I deserve to celebrate my life and be happy. I would have been 6 months pregnant on my birthday. Picking out baby clothes and getting myself ready. I could have found a way to make it work. I could have turned to people for help, there is always someone willing to help. But I took the easy way out because I thought I was doing the right thing. I took someone’s life and I will never forgive myself. I never realized that I actually wanted a baby until mine was gone. But even if I have one in the future, it won’t be the same. It will not be that baby that I lost. If you are reading this along with the other testimonies here- please don’t have an abortion.