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My abortion was the worst decision I ever made

by Admin

My abortion experience was 38 years ago, I was 19. I lived at home with my mom, working part time and going to school full time. My parents were divorced and my dad lived about three hours from me. I had a boyfriend that was a bit older then me and I found myself to be pregnant. I told my boyfriend, hoping that we would get married and raise our child but instead he started to distance himself from me. I knew in my heart I was going to have to raise my baby alone. I remember wanting to have a plan before I told my parents that I was pregnant. I started looking for an apartment but everywhere I went told me I didn’t make enough money to rent a place. I was so scared and alone. I guess I knew what my parents reaction was going to be and I did not want an abortion. I told my mom, and she was upset and really didn’t say much to me. She told my dad and he planned a family meeting with himself, mom, my sister and me. Before that “meeting”, I shared with my mom that I was excited and wanted my baby. I had picked names out and told her the names I had chosen. She again didn’t have a lot to say. The day came that we had our meeting. I remember looking in my dads eyes and saying “I’m keeping my baby”. He hugged me and said “let’s just talk”. So that’s what HE did. He told me I was not in any financial situation to take care of a child. He said he or my mom raised their children and was not raising any more. He told me that what was inside of me was just tissue, that I did not have a baby yet. The whole time dad was talking, my mom was in the kitchen pacing back and forth not saying a word. It was all to much. The only people I had to turn to said I needed to get an abortion. I was scared, confused and felt so alone. He called and made the appointment that day. I went a couple days later and had the abortion. My mom took me, and as usual she didn’t have much to say. I remember being very irritated and angry. After it was done we drove home…nothing being said. I went home and went to bed, slept until the next day and got up and it was never spoken about again with my mom. My dad did ask me to forgive him about 3 months later. I was numb. I said of course I forgave him, no big deal now. Well I held on to that trauma for 24 years before God started to show me I needed healing from this. That abortion was the root of many poor decisions I made in my life. The poor self esteem I carried. Never feeling good about myself. I drank alcohol a lot to try to drown my feelings. I went into bad relationships try to find acceptance and love. It wasn’t until I started to go to church and God just showed me I needed healing. I was directed to a healing group called Surrendering the Secret. It’s an 8 week bible study that took me through a roller coaster of emotions and feelings but I found Gods grace and forgiveness. I now help lead others through this healing journey. I was finally able to accept Gods forgiveness and forgive myself. My abortion was the worst decision I ever made. I will go to my grave regretting it, BUT….. God turned my ashes into beauty and I’m wearing forgiveness like a crown.

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