I didn’t expect to feel a bond with a fetus. But after it was gone, it felt like a piece of me was gone forever.

When I first found out I was pregnant, I was scared out of my mind thinking “what am I going to do?” My boyfriend was with me and I handed him the test and we just sat there for a few minutes in silence and there was no discussion about whether we were going to keep the baby or not… we both assumed we were going to have the baby. We were scared because we both were recently laid off and currently unemployed, not an ideal situation for a baby. However, despite the situation we became happy and decided that we were going to do this, no matter how hard it is! When I told my parents they informed me that they think that we are too young, not married, and not in a good financial place to raise a child. they thought that it would be easier and better for the child for me to terminate the pregnancy. This was upsetting to me since we had made our decision but they didn’t make convincing points. I was extremely torn and going back-and-forth with the decision. after overthinking everything and despite how I felt deep down, I decided that terminating the pregnancy was the “right thing to do” for the baby and my relationship. I scheduled the abortion and in the days leading up to it I was extremely unsure and going back-and-forth between my decision. I have always loved kids and have always known that I wanted to child, so I knew I would be OK if I had him/her. What I didn’t know, was if it would be so difficult that I would have to rely on my parents or if I would have to work all day and not be able to stay home with the baby. I didn’t want to put that responsibility on anyone else except myself and my boyfriend, and I was unsure if we were able to handle that at this time, which is why I went to the appointment. The appointment happened so quickly, theres really no time for backing out. they give you some medication to relax and also sedate you before the procedure. I don’t remember anything after the needle went in my arm. I was never asked if this is something that I really want or am sure about. I was not given enough information, and I was not prepared for the emotions that would soon follow. The day of the abortion I felt fine emotionally, probably because the sedative took a while to wear off and I I hadn’t fully understood what I had just done. The next day is when it hit me. Most people say they feel relief. I was waiting for the relief… But it never came. I didn’t feel relief. I felt regret, grief, and extreme guilt for what I had done. nobody told me the pain I would feel of choosing to end the life of someone I created. The life that was growing inside of me, expecting me to protect it. For only being seven weeks pregnant, I didn’t expect to feel a bond with a fetus. But after it was gone, it felt like a piece of me was gone forever. A piece of me that I will never get back. I felt hopeless, depressed, and ashamed. I hadn’t felt such deep heartbreaking pain like this in many years. I was in such a dark place mentally, and nothing that anyone could say or do could help. I was left with regret and I have to live with that decision I made for the rest of my life. Knowing that I will never be able to know what that baby would have looked like we’re grown into one day. A child I created that I will never get to meet because I didn’t think it was the “right time.” I still cry at night sometimes, and the pain will always be there, I just learn to live with it. Please be sure this is what you want… if any part of you wants the child, but its not the right time or you feel you’re too young, be ready for the pain that’s to follow.