I don’t deserve to see you in Heaven

It’s been 13 years and I still cry in secret. What kind of mother doesn’t take care of her baby. I felt like I had no other options. I felt like I had no one. So when the clinic made me feel like they cared and was going to help me, I thought it was no big deal. I was blinded. They couldn’t get me in for the procedure for a month or so after my first visit. My baby, my baby was so far along and I killed her. The only person who could help her, was the one person that hurt her. I didn’t feel hurt until about 2 years after I had done it because I had mentally blocked it out for as long as I could. And to this day, I feel like sometimes it takes my breathe away to remember what I did to her. I know God has forgiven me but I don’t know if I ever can forgive myself. How can my baby ever forgive me. My precious baby, I’m sorry. I made a mistake that I can not fix. There are no words that could express my remorse.