I knew women that had abortions. I never judged them, but I knew it was not something I would ever consider. In a split second my entire life shifted! Everything I thought I knew about my beliefs changed right before my eyes. Life as I knew it was over because here I was considering terminating my pregnancy. The situation was not ideal with the father and he flat out told me “he didn’t want the baby.” Those words hurt me. It was a pain I had never felt before! I’m already a single mother to a five year old and I didn’t want to be a single mother of two kids by two different men but I didn’t want an abortion either. I was so confused and distraught. I prayed to God to guide me through this crisis I was dealing with. My experience at the abortion clinic was horrible the place felt demonic and cold! Ultimately, I chose to have a medical abortion. I was eight weeks along. The morning after it was done, I immediately felt empty. I felt like something was missing. I cried myself to sleep every night after. I could not get out of bed. However I knew that I had to be strong for my son. I pulled myself together but the thought of what I had done lingered in my mind. My due date was 01-29-22 and the closer it gets the sadder I feel. Almost 9 months later I still feel the pain of that abortion and I probably will feel this void forever. I cry randomly because God knows I wanted that baby, but for my own selfish reasons I chose to give it back. I know God has forgiven me but I can’t seem to forgive myself. I pray for peace and hope that one day I can live with my choice. As of now, I am taking my pain one day at a time because that’s all I can do. I’m hoping that the pain gets easier to live with and that I learn to forgive myself while embracing this new journey of healing.