I knew women that had abortions. I never judged them, but I knew it was not something I would ever consider. In a split second my entire life shifted! Everything I thought I knew about my beliefs changed right before my eyes. Life as I knew it was over because here I was considering terminating my pregnancy. The situation was not ideal with the father and he flat out told me “he didn’t want the baby.” Those words hurt me. It was a pain I had never felt before! I’m already a single mother to a five year old and I didn’t want to be a single mother of two kids by two different men but I didn’t want an abortion either. I was so confused and distraught. I prayed to God to guide me through this crisis I was dealing with. My experience at the abortion clinic was horrible the place felt demonic and cold! Ultimately, I chose to have a medical abortion. I was eight weeks along. The morning after it was done, I immediately felt empty. I felt like something was missing. I cried myself to sleep every night after. I could not get out of bed. However I knew that I had to be strong for my son. I pulled myself together but the thought of what I had done lingered in my mind. My due date was 01-29-22 and the closer it gets the sadder I feel. Almost 9 months later I still feel the pain of that abortion and I probably will feel this void forever. I cry randomly because God knows I wanted that baby, but for my own selfish reasons I chose to give it back. I know God has forgiven me but I can’t seem to forgive myself. I pray for peace and hope that one day I can live with my choice. As of now, I am taking my pain one day at a time because that’s all I can do. I’m hoping that the pain gets easier to live with and that I learn to forgive myself while embracing this new journey of healing.
I never thought abortion would be apart of my life story.
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I thought about it. I’m not going to pretend once I thought about having an abortion. I was angry I was pregnant. I was married to an alcoholic at the time who was abusive. Often all we did was fight it was exhausting. I also had a special needs child on top of it. I ended up pregnant because he hated using protection. I was trying to finish college. I can’t explain why really I didn’t make that phone call I often thought about I just couldn’t. I knew for some reason she was more important than how I felt. Often I feel horrible that I even considered it. I was a complete mess. I did get a divorce and later on remarried someone else. And of course my soon to be 14 yr old has no idea that I look at her now and see her as a miracle. She was worth it. I don’t know why I’m writing this but if you are like I was and barely 21 pregnant and with someone you don’t feel like you can raise children with find a place that’s safe and keep your baby safe. That baby may be what heals you and gives you a greater purpose in life.