I don’t even know how I got to this site to be honest, but here I am sharing my story.
I was 20 when I had an abortion and my baby would have been 11 this year. I was in a relationship with an amazing guy for 2 years and we were so in love. When I found out I was expecting we were so excited and had so many plans for when baby comes, but something in my literally changed overnight.
I just woke up one day feeling so irritable with my then boyfriend and everything he did literally annoyed me. At this time I did not know that you become very hormonal and emotional when pregnant. I decided I did not want to have the baby as I was afraid of what people would say, what my mom would say even though my mom is the most understanding person I know. She would have accepted and loved my baby with all her heart. I decided that I wanted an abortion and that no one was going to change my mind. My boyfriend was against it and literally begged me not to do it. I was so strong willed and stupid that I went behind his back and planned everything. It was as if my humanity literally switched off.
I was at the time 5 months pregnant and because I was so far a long I had to have a procedure done. It was so painful and so traumatizing that I couldn’t walk for days. When my boyfriend found out what I did he was devastated. He was angry, which I don’t blame him. My sister supported me through all this, however I wish I had confided in someone with more experience of being pregnant and that was able to guide me and advise me against this. I now know that whatever we go though at a moment is temporary and that things will get better. I should have just waited it through for the 4 months and my baby would still have been here. I regret doing what I did and I will for the rest of my life. I do not encourage anyone who is thinking of doing this to go through with it as it will literally haunt you for the rest of your life.
To my baby, I have asked your forgiveness millions of times and I want you to know that I love you so much and I am so, so sorry for what I did. I know you are safe in the arms of God. I have even named her Nevaeh for her place of life is in Heaven.