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I had 3 Abortions, Under Ingnorance & by Coercion

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My life story is much too long to share on this site, but I came from a family of alot of shame about sex. It wasn’t discussed most of my life, and I’m a survivor of incest by an older brother, but still have repressed memory. Also molested by a classmate in elemetary school, and bullied by her for 6 years, and emotionally blackmailed by her. Plus a female in-law as a pre-teen introduced me to some of her same-sex attraction, but I was unaware of any females in sexual relationships with each other in the 1970’s. I was very much sheltered by my parents, and extremely shy, except around people I knew well. Yet until my 20’s did I have flashbacks about the incest. I have been on three psychiatric wards, and on several medications for mental illness. I’ve only experienced mostly abusive or casual sexual relationships. I had 3 abortions over my adult years, yet did not realize they were souls. I wasn’t informed on abortion by my family or friends, and was hidden from my family for years. I was ashamed of sex, and very ashamed of being an unwed mother, and was always told a woman should be a virgin before marriage, by my religious mom, and how shameful it was to have a child out of wedlock. It was only after I married at 28, that I had more flashbacks about my childhood and was first hospitalized. The 1st two abortions were guys I dated. The first abortion was by the first person I dated at 19, and he raped me and I repressed that memory also. He was abusive in every way but I told no one, and he forced me to get the aboriton and I didn’t know what it was. My first marriage lasted 11 years, and he became verbally and emotionally abusive, and divorced me when I would not agree to live his martial arts life, and never went to church with me as promised. I became aware of my past abusive relationships after I began counseling, and could not keep a job for long. I started receiving disability checks, because of my mental health problems. I divorced my second husband in 2012, after his emotional and verbal abuse became worse, and he abandoned me 3 years ago, and I struggle to make ends meet. I don’t have much support about my past from family, and have been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress. I am not in church at this time, but I did join nad serve in my oldest sister’s church. I left for many reasons, but still seek a closer relationship with my Heavenly Father, and want to still grow in Christ, and have alot of problems going back to church. I’ve suffered much shame, guilt, anger, and sypmtoms that have caused much irrational fear. But I still fight to live a normal life. I’m thankful to hear about so many people sharing their tesitmonies in many formats to help people heal from abortions, and what all kinds of abuse can do to people of any age. I pray for such a suffering world, and for people to seek help when needed. God is truly alive, and I know He still loves me after all of my past sins.

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