I was only 18

by Admin

Back in 2018 I had the worst experience in my life. I was 18 and pregnant with my boyfriends baby he was 16. I had found out in early December that I was pregnant. I had told my Boyfriend at the time the news and he told me he needed time to think. I was so young at the time and in my mind abortion wasn’t an option. I was basically living with him at the time I thought there was so much love in our relationship. After about a week we talked about everything and he had told me he wanted to look at options at the time. I was 18 so I had no option other than go to a free confidential clinic. I went and had a ultrasound done I-was so in love with my baby from the moment I seen the ultrasound. I had finished my appointment and went home with the pictures of the baby and the paperwork to show him when he got home. Later that evening he got home I showed him everything he was in shock to see the ultrasound it made everything so real. Later that night we had talked about it and he had told me he wanted to get the money for me to get an abortion. When he told me this I was so upset I was heartbroken. He had told me I wouldn’t be able to support our baby and it would be so hard. I had told him I would do anything to make sure our baby would be okay. He also mentioned he wouldn’t be able to help me and how he wanted to go to college and live his life. I had let the conversation sit for a while then I had went to his mom for guidance and I had told her she was so excited she told me id be the best mom and then she went on about how young we were. Later that day I had another ultrasound she had went along with me to see the baby on the ultrasound when she seen she was so excited and happy. Later on that night we went back and I told my boyfriend I told his mom for support and he freaked out on me and left for a while to think. I remember that night having a conversation about my options with him again and we were both on opposite sides. The next two weeks were horrible his mom started to tell me now she thought I was to young to be having a baby with her son she had told me if I had the baby it would ruin his future. I was so upset with them because they made me feel like even know I was young we could do it and then ripped my hope away. At this time im almost a month and a half along in my pregnancy and we were very rocky he had told alot of people at school and alot of family about me being pregnant he told me every day at school I needed to have an abortion. I even had random kids at school asking if I was pregnant it was so shameful. I eventually became so upset I told my mom I was pregnant and I needed help she had reassured me it was my decision. When I called and told my mom to come and get me that night . That evening the babys dad had broken up with me on a drunken phone call at 3am. That night he also told me I had no choice in the matter and told me u cant raise a baby and his faimly will pay half for the abortion at this time when he was away with family. I remember laying on the floor pregnant wishing I would just die because my life had fallen apart. I remember crying so much that I begged god to take my life. I woke up the next morning and gathered my things. I took a picture of him for my child knowing when I would of had the baby it would only have a picture of there dad. later that day he came home I had told him I could take care of the baby by myself and he would have no ties but he kept telling me no I felt hopeless. I had called my mom to pick me up and take me home because I was staying with him at the time of all this. As I went home my mom reassured me everything would be okay she told me its my choice. The next day I woke up and went to go talk to my mom outside and talk to her about what I should do she told me she thought I was young but we could care for the baby together. A couple hours later we talked again and she told me having a baby young is really hard and that she thinks it would be best not to have a baby at this time. I was so heartbroken that I felt I had no one on my side other than my one and only freind. About two months in the pregnancy I felt like my only choice was abortion so I went threw with it. The day of my abortion my mother told me I made the right decision. My mother and I met with my ex boyfriends mother and grandmother at the clinic they made it a joke and it was so upsetting and my mom was there to support me. In the clinic room I contemplated leaving and walking out I was so scared and knew it was the wrong decision. When the doctor came in and started I felt so much pain and almost passed out it felt like he ripped me apart. I felt my life being ripped away by someone else’s decision. Two days after the abortion the depression came in I hated myself the regret was so intense and still is so intense everyday my life goes on. There is not one single day I dont think about where I could have been today with my baby. It has been three years from the abortion. and the. regret only gets worse and more painful. I am now 21married and have my life together and trying to conceive this decision has impacted my life so much and just to think I was pushed into a decision 3 years ago and how far I am now. I urge each and every one of you reading my story dont do this unless you want to. Dont let shame guilt and pushy people make you feel like you can not do this because I know for a fact you can do this.

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