What an inconvenience!!
“Please, just go away. I dont want you!”
I had plans. Plans that didn’t involve an unwanted pregnancy. If I dont think about it maybe it will just go away. Did I really believe that? Guess I did. I left home and moved into my campus dorm room like nothing had changed. I even went to some wack party that night like nothing was even happening. But it was. Im too good for this. This beneath the way I saw myself….my hopes, my dreams, my future.
That was over 30 years ago. The difference between me then and you now is that I terminated the pregnancy and you have not. Unlike most people standing outside an abortion clinic holding signs and handing out pro-life literature, I actually had an abortion. About two weeks after the procedure the pregnancy was no longer an inconvenience. Life moved on, but not in any of the ways that I expected. The emotional and physiological damage that followed was and is very real. Trust me, you don’t get over it! After all, taking a life is a huge deal. People go to prison for it, right? How can this be any different? Worse because the life has no chance to defend itself. It can run, it can’t hide, it cant cry out for help. Somehow society has convinced us that this is ok.
I had an abortion. I’m sure the process hasn’t changed much. The “Rush” of it all. Put you in a room with other women, “some on the fence” others convinced that this is the right decision. You all talk about why this is for “the best.” A way to lessen your anxiety with a “we’re all in this together” mentality. A less intense group mob against against life. And we think the people on the outside of the clinic chanting with the handouts and signs are the mob. They are the voice for the voiceless who are not being heard in this so-called pre counseling. Inadmissible evidence in the court.
Next your off to have an ultrasound to determine how far along you are. Again, Inadmissible evidence in the court. They won’t ask you if you want to see it for fear that you will see life, choose life. Its real. They know its real. 30 years later I KNOW IT WAS REAL!!! Life moved on but my conscience is still in that room on that table. Im not over it. Shame, sadness, and regret have followed me.
Somehow the grace of God has seen me worthy of the blessing of four children. And one who was actually another inconvenient unplanned pregnancy! But by then I should’ve been old enough to know better, right? Thats the point. You will eventually come back around to face things you didn’t get right. Sometimes we recognize it and sometimes we don’t.
You may feel like you don’t have any alternatives but thats not true. There’s always an alternative. Being pregnant is not easy but its doable. Life is full of “inconveniences.” Just because there’s a seemingly easy way out doesn’t mean you should take it. Please consider the unheard voice.