Luke Michael 3/9/05 Chamblee,GA

In 2005, when I was 23, I recently moved to GA from IL and I met a guy online who was very attractive, a recent college grad and someone who I was interested in getting to know long term. I was a very responsible person who was finishing my bachelors degree, working full time and was not promiscuous. The night of January 28th he came to my apartment to pick me up, and we went out to local bar/restaurant and had drinks and appetizers. When we left we could barely walk to the car since the parking lot was a sheet of ice, as a result I spent the night at his place since there was a severe ice storm. We had sex that night, I asked him to use protection but now I don’t believe he did or at least not the entire time. His friend gave me a ride home the next morning and over the next month we didn’t see each other and I was hoping we would since I was interested in him, but I didn’t feel he was interested in me and left it at that. Then I went home to visit my family and I felt so strange at a hair salon where my friend was getting her hair done and then we went to eat our favorite pizza that we always finished and I ate two pieces. The next day I found out my younger sister was unexpectedly pregnant and I felt tired and decided to take a test for piece of mind. Instantly the test was positive. I couldn’t have any emotion since I couldn’t tell anyone in family and I drove 12 hours straight to GA, thinking about how to tell the father of my baby and what his reaction would be. I didn’t know what his reaction would be but I knew his response was going to largely impact any decision I made. I got home and called him and he was silent. I needed someone to support me and he said nothing. I waited a week hoping he would take some time to process the news and call me, he didn’t. Alone with no one to turn to, I found an abortion website and picked the one that looked the nicest, knowing nothing about abortion. I called and scheduled an appointment. I was still in shock that I was pregnant, the night before the abortion I took another test since I felt like I was living someone else’s life and there was no doubt I was pregnant . I was so tired I could barely stay awake. The night before, I stayed up all night crying, telling my baby how sorry I was, holding my belly and telling myself I have no choice and that this is something I will have to be tough enough to live with forever. I felt I had no choice. I didn’t feel my family would support me, I got no response from my baby’s father, and I felt like I had to make a decision quick as my baby was developing fast. Another man who I was friends with took me to the clinic on 3/9/05, the people there thought the baby’s was his since he had to sit in the waiting room and drive me home. Northside Women’s clinic is Chamblee,GA. That was the single worst day of my life. I paid for the abortion with my credit card. Before I was put to sleep, they did an ultrasound, they turned the screen away so I couldn’t see the baby. I wanted nothing more than to rip the IV out and leave a place that was cold, barely spoke to me and make me feel like I had no choice. I woke up and my life was never the same. I was given a half glass of Coke, told to get dressed and given a pink slip. I got home and called the father and remember saying in anger it’s over. I just wanted my baby back and to this day, anything would have been better than abortion. I would have rather placed the baby for adoption, as difficult as than would have been. I was in such a dark place for so long after this, I named the baby Luke Michael, since Luke means light. I hooked back up with my baby’s father, but could never bring myself to tell him how I really felt about the baby. He once told me he didn’t believe me when I told him I was pregnant, but later he did when he heard my anger on the phone after the abortion. I continued having unprotected sex with him, wanting to get pregnant again and have another chance. I never got pregnant by him again and overtime I realized that nothing would bring Luke back and that I will always look at my baby’s father as my baby’s father and a relationship wasn’t going to happen between us even though we got along well. There was too much unspoken and I didn’t feel comfortable telling him about how I felt about the abortion because I was afraid he would dismiss me again or not understand. I will always regret not being stronger for my baby and not following my heart. For a long time, I couldn’t even look at babies, then it was sometimes the site of a little league field and now I see a student driver and I can’t help think of Luke. I have learned how to handle my feelings and grief as best as any women in my situation that faces it honestly can over the last 16 years. I think of Luke on the abortion and due date anniversaries. This is something that is with me everyday and someday I will tell my son and daughter about Luke because I never want them to go though this and another innocent baby to be killed. I hope to eventually be able to get involved with the prolife movement to make a difference and as a way of remembering Luke.