They tell you it’s okay, but it’s not 

I had sex once and got pregnant. I was told if he pulled out before he came. I could not get pregnant. My Mom had told me if I ever came home pregnant, she would disown along with my adopted family. My boyfriend said ” Are you sure it’s mine?”. I just turned 18 and scared to death. I did not know what to do, but my friend’s Mom did- Abortion. She took me to a private Doctor. She was very cold,very sterile and annoyed I was scared and upset. I had an abortion.
I went college, but was sickly. Having these fainting spells. Snagging a bathtub at college took me a week, but I finally hot Mt turn. I could not wait to soak and relax. When I rolled over on my stomach, I felt a baseball in my belly. I was sure I had cancer or the Doctor did something wrong. I went to a doctor at a clinic on Monday and I was still pregnant. I had to tell my Mom, I had no choice. She set up and paid for me to abort the possible reformed ” fetus” in NYC HOSPITAL. I was in a very large room with 19 other girls. I was 5 months pregnant by now. The would perform a saline induced abortion where they go through your stomach into the amniotic sac. I could feel the baby thrash a few times and become still. I then after a few hours began going into labor. After 4-5 hours, I gave birth to my still baby in a room with other girls doing the same. Including a 12 year old girl whose Mom cried by her bed repeating ” I’m sorry, I’m sorry” The Mother’s boyfriend raped her daughter. One by one, we rested and went home. I took a bus ride 5 hours back to college. By the time I got back. All the girls knew because my roommate told EVERYONE! I could no longer deal with my shame and left college.
I was never able to have children, we tried and I lost three from a compromised cervix, possibly from initial abortion, nor did we adopt as we could not afford private adoption and state placed children , well tattooed and not prim and proper placed a stigma at that time. I wish I never allowed people to influence me and I wish I was stronger and knew more, but I was only 18. There is never a day I don’t think of Gabriel. Abortion should not be used as birth control. Adoption is a better avenue. I am still fucked up in the head.