I find it interesting how immense the pain of abortion is and how long it lingers, but no one will talk about it…
My family knew, my mom and dad. It was the same routine… I did something bad, they sat me down to tell me how disappointed they were, I was grounded… i had the abortion, they knew, other family members knew and no one said a word. Ever. It’s lonely. The boyfriend ask if I was OK, but he didn’t really want to know the truth. No one ever really wanted to know how I really felt. If I ever tried to talk about anything, I was wrong for feeling the way I did. I learned how to act like everyone wanted me to act because the weight of who I am was more than anyone wanted to know. It’s sad, depressing, it’s like being dead when you’re alive, but no one wants to hear that. They want to hear, “I’m fine thanks. How are you?”
If there’s a moment of courage and vulnerability that leads you to say I’m not fine at all, someone can just remind you that you got yourself into this mess. No one held a gun to your head. And you just know that however you are feeling you deserve that and you’re just going to have to keep that to yourself. That’s part of the punishment.
It makes me so sad/mad that people can’t see the truth of it. Women are protesting for the right to feel this way because they just don’t know or maybe they are dead inside too.
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I’m praying for you, friend. I’m so sorry for the pain you are experiencing and the emptiness inside.
If you need to talk, I’m here. You are welcome to ask me anything, I don’t mind uncomfortable things either. I won’t pretend to know what you’re going through, I haven’t gone through it myself, but I have wept over hurting people many times, I’ve prayed for them, I’ve counseled them, I’ve shared the hope found in the Bible with them.
I don’t know where you’re at in this country, but if you can find an independent Baptist church, you’ll most likely find a family of people that will take you in and speak truth to you and also allow you to pour out your heartache and grief.
Psalms 34:18 The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit
Matthew 11:28 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
God is so good. He is so loving and merciful and it’s so evident in my life personally, but also as I read testimony after testimony on this site I can’t help but notice how many grieving and hopeless women have met the Savior after their abortion. It’s like God knows the shame and the pain in their hearts, He knows the void that is there, and He seeks them out and reaches out to them so that He can fill that void.
I’m praying for you to be able to find the peace of God that passes all understanding soon and God will send someone to you to comfort you and be a real, caring friend to you.