Not my Choice

I got pregnant when I was 16. I was terrified to take a test until my mom brought one home because I was having symptoms and she knew me and my boyfriend were active. It came out positive and I was terrified. She told me how I would not be keeping my child & scheduled an appointment for an abortion the next day. She asked me if that’s what I wanted, after telling me I was an embarrassment to myself & the family, I would be kicked out, I was a slut, she would never help raise the baby, and no one would ever be there for me. So I said yes knowing in my heart and mind 1000% that I did NOT want an abortion. I was not allowed to tell my boyfriend (father of the child) but I did and it hurt him so bad. He wanted to be there and have our baby but my mom would not let him. My mom didn’t allow us to see each other anymore which made things even worse. I loved him and our baby, even though we were young I wanted us to have our family and we would have made it work. 2 weeks later the appointment was scheduled, having a time limit put on your child is the most heartbreaking thing in the world. All I had was two more weeks with my baby. My child that was called a mistake or “situation” by my own mother . No one talks about the ride there, then arriving and filling out the paperwork and not even being old enough to give consent, then waiting for hours and hours for your name to be called. I was put to sleep and didn’t feel anything but it was the most painful thing in the world. I woke up crying hysterically with a broken heart. I didn’t know how to cope or grieve. I was alone. My boyfriend was hurting too, he was there for me, but I was the mom he would never understand my pain. I didn’t know that I wouldn’t want to have any other children because I’m terrified to love them. I’m terrified to accept new love from anyone and I feel like I can’t form new relationship in life because you only want your child. You obsess over it knowing your life will never be the same. I wish I would have fought for my baby or have been strong enough to stand up to my mom. This is a pain that will haunt you for the rest of your life. When it was all said and done the only thing in the world that will heal my pain is getting that child back, knowing that will never happen will hang over my head and break me down for the rest of my life.