It’s crazy to think I would be 8 months pregnant by now.

I found out I was pregnant at 6 weeks. I had so much emotions and the only way I could tell me boyfriend was giving him the pregnancy test that showed positive. He told me he would support whichever choice I made…how I wish I knew he was lying. It took me awhile to think about abortion since we were 23. I agreed and started looking for clinics. Although everywhere near us was booked and I didn’t want anything but a medication abortion. My baby kept growing inside me and I could feel my body change as well as my decision. I wanted to keep my baby when it came down to going to my appointment in the city. I asked my boyfriend who drove me in my car that what if I kept the baby instead and he told me he would be angry with me. He said he sacrificed his work for the appointment, even though he left for a 2 month vacation. I told him I’d do this myself or tell someone I trusted to support me. But he wouldn’t leave me till or tell anyone the truth. Instead I went through with the appointment and had an abortion in his cousin’s apartment by myself. He left to pickup his cousin’s girlfriend from work while my baby was leaving my body because he did not want to tell them. I felt so alone and hurt. Physically and mentally I was exhausted. His mother kept pushing us to come to his home because she planned a canoeing trip during my birthday. But I needed running water and to lay in my own bed. I finally told him it’s either her or me and that I needed to go home. In my condition I couldn’t drive but I was determined to return home to my family. He ended up driving me home and surprisingly stayed with me a week. His mother kept saying things like my crazy people stole her son from her. He is 23 and she is almost in her 50’s. Finally I told my mother and his mother a month later because I couldn’t hid this as the relationship got worse…. and they both cried for me. They wanted the baby as well. But his mother is too much and my mother has too much children to worry about. Its crazy to think that I should have a baby in a month but I’m left with myself and what feels like a selfish boyfriend. I think everyday I should’ve chosen my baby over my boyfriend. My cousin told me the weekend I came back after having an abortion if I was pregnant. She dreamt I had a baby boy and that I apologized to my family for being gone so long due to my pregnancy. I’ll never forget that alternate future she saw me having. Now I see famous celebrities like Kylie Jenner or Rihanna pregnant like I should be. Even my boyfriend’s eldest cousin found out she was expecting. And he wanted to attend the baby shower and his mother keeps sending me pictures of the baby once she was born. I dont know what is wrong with her and her son. She told me this was my decision even though I told her that her son wasn’t supportive and didn’t want to be a father. Now I think about my baby with my father. I hope he is babysitting until its my time to finally hold my baby boy.