Something I never wanted to do…

I found out I was pregnant this January of 2022….I only knew about it for 4 days and I was in love with it already. That’s when all the thoughts started to hit. The good and the bad thoughts. The pros and the cons. The struggle of thinking am I really ready to handle 2 children. I already have a 1 year old son and I have been doing just great at being a mother so I figured that it would be a happy moment and another experience for me because I was ready to do it all over again. Sadly, I broke the news and no one was happy about this. I kept getting bad slander and doubts from my family and also my boyfriends family. It seems that we were the only 2 happy about this and I couldn’t shake the feeling of how people can actually say these things or even doubt you as an adult. I can’t even find the courage to remember the horrible things that were said because it was just that bad. I started thinking that maybe it would be best to do an abortion but that feeling never sat well with me at all. I didn’t wanna abort my baby. My sweet, and innocent baby. It’s just a baby that didn’t ask to be here and now look what’s going on. I didn’t wanna bring this baby in the world just for it to be hated by its own family and it has done nothing wrong and I didn’t want to struggle anymore than what I am. What hurts the most is that I’m capable financially but, life has a funny way at affecting a lot of things because honestly it’s life that’s the problem at the moment. Maybe if life was different I would have looked at this situation a different way but sadly it isn’t and it’s the most depressing thing ever. A lot of people don’t understand and I can’t make anyone understand what I’m going through. The slander and comments got so bad and honestly I started to get treated like I was a mess up in life and as if I were nothing. The depression weighed in on me and the anxiety suffocated me. Next thing you know I found myself in an abortion clinic getting an abortion. I literally let people and words push me to do something I didn’t want to do! I let my life situation push me into doing something I didn’t want to do and I must say it hurts like hell! It’s been 3 Weeks since my abortion and I have been depressed everyday. I have not been eating properly and I haven’t had good sleep at all. I find myself going to sleep at 1am only take wake up at 7amfor work and the cycle continues. I literally aborted my baby because I was pushed on edge and I felt like I was alone and had no support and the weight on my shoulders were heavy and hard to bare. For that I will never forgive myself because the lord knows how much I wanted to carry that baby and meet it when it was time. Only lord knows how much I loved it even though it wasn’t fully a fetus yet. When I got it done the news broke and they called it “a dot” , and “a little blood clot” “something I shouldn’t be depressed about because it wasn’t a fetus” and that hurt in a lot of ways to hear something as cruel as that. It hurts so much and I can’t reverse time to take it back. I feel like I have made the worse mistake I could have ever made. Let this be a life lesson, never let anyone tell you that you can’t handle or do something and never let life push you to the edge to make you feel like you’re not capable of doing something! If it’s something that you wanna do and know in your heart that you can do it then go for it! I let life and people push me and now I made the worst mistake ever which was aborting my baby something I didn’t want to do. Don’t be me or don’t do what I have done. If you feel that you are ready to be a mother then be a mother and go for it! Children are precious blessings. If you are going through a tough phase in your life and you are pregnant I am praying for you and that you find the courage to keep your baby because I wouldn’t want anyone to do what I did or felt what I felt….this is truly traumatizing and depressing and something I would never wish on anyone…ever. I deeply regret what I did.