Broken forever

Today is the 38th year anniversary of my abortion. Tomorrow is my 64th birthday.
I have regretted my decision all of my life. It haunts me daily. I was in a serious relationship with my baby’s father when I got pregnant. I was on the pill- it wasn’t supposed to happen. He paid for the abortion. We stayed together for six months after. He never spoke of it after that day. We recently got back together. He has no children and I am a single mom. I tried to talk to him about how I’ve never recovered. I should have died the night my baby was aborted. The baby’s father still refuses to talk about the baby or abortion. We fight when I bring up the subject. All these years and I am still tortured. I’ve tried therapy and self help books. The decision to abort my baby cost me my life- I suffer almost daily.