Dear Baby

I was only 19 years old in 1989. my boyfriend and I found out I was pregnant January 24th and in early February we decided we were too young. Truth be told I wanted you but he didn’t. My dad always said I couldn’t come home pregnant. I struggled with the decision got on and off the table twice. It was so painful but the real pain was yet to come. I buried that pain in drugs and alcohol years later until I met my second husband. A year after marrying, we had your brother. When I heard his first heartbeat at 7 weeks I cried with happiness and then sadness. I was told there was no heartbeat around that time. I now knew I was lied to. You would’ve been born in September 1989 age 31. I didn’t know your gender but felt you ere a girl. I still cry all these years later. I feel unworthy of my son. I wish you were here. There is a hole in my heart. I was only able to have one child due to health concerns but I really have two children you will always be my child. I hope to reunite with you. I hope you don’t hate me. I hate me and will never forgive myself.