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Dear Michael “It still hurts today…”

by Admin
Dear Michael,
I was a single mother and found out I was pregnant shortly after getting out of a relationship.  I panicked.  The few people I told said abortion was the only sensical option, given my situation.  The clinic even had brochures from religious groups that supported abortion.  I convinced myself that what I was doing was okay, even though I knew deep down it wasn’t.  I remember only a couple details from the “procedure”. One, it was extremely painful.  But the part I remember most was sitting up on the table and begging them to stop. The doctor told me it was too late, but it wasn’t.  Instead of getting up off that table and just walking out, I let them continue.  I could have stopped it all, but I didn’t.  I went into the bathroom after it was all done, and when I saw my reflection in the mirror, I was disgusted and looked away.  I fell to my knees and sobbed, asking myself, “Oh Lord, what have I done????”  This was back in 1999.  It still hurts today. There’s not a day that goes by where you don’t cross my mind.  I’m so so sorry.  I would give anything to give you back the life I allowed to be taken from you.  I was selfish.  I could have put you up for adoption, but I didn’t.  I’m so sorry.  After I let you go, God blessed me with twins.  I’ve never felt worthy of that blessing. God also blessed me with a little boy after the twins.  Why couldn’t I see you as a blessing until it was too late?  I have no excuse or explanation for what I did to you.  I talked to a priest shortly afterwards.  He told me you were with Jesus and that you’re okay.  Just know that I’m so sorry.  He told me to give you a name, and I chose Michael.  I don’t know why I chose that name, but it was the first one that came to my mind.  Abortion leaves invisible scars and an emptiness that can never be filled.  There are two times of year that are very painful for me.  January/February (when I first learned about you and then let you go) and September, when I would have been able to hold you had I not let you go.  I’m sorry.

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11 comments

Anonymous February 29, 2020 - 1:17 pm

Heart breaking

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Michael Homer Cox July 8, 2020 - 9:16 pm

You will see your child in heaven our God is a awesome God and he will let you see your child in heaven..

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Anonymous July 29, 2020 - 10:09 pm

How sad. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I hope it will educate other women on the emotional dangers of abortion.

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Anonymous September 26, 2020 - 7:38 pm

Jesus knows your heart& you were lured to actually take that route…Jesus forgives you & you will one day see ur child again Now help other women see that abortion is not the only answer Forgive ur SELF

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Moya October 13, 2020 - 10:42 am

OMG..I am reading your story n it’s almost exactly like mine..I’ve asked myself for 40 yrs why I didn’t get up n walk..I also sat up n said STOP AS SOON AS THE DR WALKED IN was eased back down by the nurses saying it was too late
.Dr looked ANNOYED AT ME N looked at his watch while giving the nurses a look that said it all..Too which they reacted by Basicly holding me down as I sobbed n begged them to STOP..I have regretted it all my LIFE N YES..Don’t let them Tell you it’ won’t affect you EMOTIONALLY OR MENTALLY CUZ IT DOES N HAS..The 1 THING I emphasize is AS A WOMAN..EDUCATE YOURESELF ABOUT ABORTION..Maybe then the COUNTLESS ways WE AS WOMEN HAVE NOW THAT WE DIDNT IN THE 70S IS BIRTH CONTROLL..Now w even the Day after pill should bring down the 100000000 ..YES MILLIONS of Abortions still being done despite the MANY FORMS NOW OF BIRTH CONTROLL..I don’t judge Women for their reasons but Now We need to take responsibility for being RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR BODIES N THAT OF THE BABIES..DONT CHOOSE TO DO ABORTION OUT OF IRRISPONSIBILTY..TAKE RESPONSIBILITY 1ST..Then you will NEVER HAVE TO LIVE WITH THE REAL HORROR THAT ABORTION IS..IT IS THE TAKING OF A LIFE THAT WAS MEANT TO MATTER TO SOMEONES LIFE..IT IS THE TAKING OF A LIFE THAT MAY HAVE SAVED N CHANGED SOMEONE OR THE WORLD..IF YOU LET YOURSELF THINK OF THIS UNBORN LIFE N NOT ONLY YOURS YOULL SEE WHAT A SELFISH N POSSIBLY LIFE SHATTERING CHOICE YOU ARE ABOUT TO MAKE.. And for the government to GIVE WOMEN THE RIGJT TO MURDER HER CHILD IS WRONG..I HAVE 4 DAUGHTERS N HAVE TAUGHT THEM TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR LIVES N FOR THE LIVES OF THEIR FUTURE CHILDREN N NOT USE ABORTION AS BIRTH CONTROLL..IT NEEDS TO START AT HOME..NOT IN GOVERNMENT..I HAVE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO FORGIVE MYSELF N WILL N HAVE DONE ANY N EVERYTHING TO TEACH ALL YOUNG WOMEN NEVER TO LET ABORTION BE HER LAST ALTERNITIVE..ITS THE REASON I VOTE NOW..

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Anonymous October 13, 2020 - 8:54 pm

Thank you for sharing your testimonial. I have been struggling with a decision I made about 18 years ago. I was in a relationship with a man I thought I would marry no question. We did not use protection so we were so worried that we looked into the morning after pill (plan b) as an option. It was pretty new so not much information was know about it. I went to get the pill at a pharmacy and the person there asked me if I knew all about it. I said yes, just one question “is not an abortion right?”. She told me if you have it and you are pregnant there will be no effect. I was so relieved that I went with it. Little I knew it could potentially be an abortion. No way to know at that stage. I went into serious depression after learning what I had done. The limbo of not knowing if I had killed my baby kept me endless nights in tears. I thought of me as a monster. How could I be so naive? Why did I believe everything before researching? I have to live in the limbo forever of weather I killed my kid or not, yet I am pro-life. Planned parenthood seems to just care about money, wish they will tell te truth . Maybe one day I will know if my kid was actually aborted. I hope not, I cjannot bear with that idea. I rather pretend not. Only God knows. I will stand with life all my life to make amends. So unfair how women get tricked or misinformed.

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Veronica Rowe October 20, 2020 - 3:03 pm

Rachels vineyard helped me to overcome my greif and receive healing

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Anonymous October 25, 2020 - 6:48 am

I want you to know there is hope after abortion.
Abortion doesnt only end life for the baby, it also ends life for the mother … But there is hope. If you mean it from your heart that you are sorry, and you ask forgiveness from God, he forgives.
I was on my knees in Church, crying from a place so deep, so empty, I cant even explain in words but I expect, if u have had an abortion, u will know …
While on my knees, I kept repeating over and over, “I’m so sorry”… Then I heard a voice. It was audible.
“Get up, my child, your sins are forgiven.”
I couldn’t accept the forgiveness from anyone else. When a vicar told me that I would be forgiven, I thought, ‘How can u know? Ur not God. Only God can tell me that.’…and he did.
I had been suffering from PASS. Post Abortion Stress Syndrome and God took it all away. He forgave me and healed me.
The link above will take you to my Channel and u can see for yourself what he’s done for me.
Hes picked me up, cleaned me down, given me new life. Hes given me new focus.
It does not make abortion right. It does not excuse abortion, but it shows God loves and forgives and has equips you with the empathy to ensure help and provision for others suffering.
Please dont beat yourself up, put it in Gods hands and pray for forgiveness …God bless xx

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Susan January 18, 2021 - 2:19 pm

I was a Christian and born in a Christian family. I was pregnant the first time I had sex unmarried and 24. I so didn’t want to upset or disappoint my parents. I had another boyfriend that wanted to marry me and raise my baby. I had no excuses for having the abortion when I was 6 was along. It’s been 41 years and every time my babies due date comes around I think of him. When it happened I was a basket case and the dr told me I wouldn’t have been able to carry him to term but I think he just told me that to try and calm me. It didn’t. But I experienced the grace and forgiveness of my Heavenly Father and I know I will see him someday. I know I didn’t deserve it but God blessed me with four beautiful children! God loves you and will forgive you and heal you too. When you turn to Him! He’s got a great life planned for you!

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Hannah January 27, 2021 - 10:03 pm

My pregnancy was ectopic but there was a chance that waiting it out for just a week that it could fix itself. I had the procedure scheduled in case for an emergency termination. When I got there they told me I was healed but if I wanted to walk out I owed them $350 dollars. I didnt have the money available even though it wasn’t that much so I let them continue. I was in shock of my answered prayers, I had already begun to mourn for my child, I was terrified and just frozen. I regret not calling someone for help, they could have loaned me the money, I could have called the bank to do some account transfers. I regret it so much. My husband says that I will still be a great mother, but I already proved to be a horrible one. I don’t know if its comforting to know your story, but thank you for sharing.

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Shannon February 13, 2021 - 10:27 am

I went through the same thing sweety. My pain will never go.. I changed my mind as they started the procedure but because I was given a “twilight” pill my protests were ignored and I fell into a trance like state. I cried for about 24 hours, no joke. This was back in 1992. I wish I could hug you. Seek counseling. There is a term for what we are going through. PTSD.

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