About three months ago I noticed some changes with my body. I didn’t get my period for a month but I didn’t think much of it. Then 4 weeks went by and My stomach felt very bloated so I asked my boyfriend to get a pregnancy test for me. We came back to my place, I took the test and it said that I wasn’t pregnant. Another month went by and my breasts started to hurt and feel sore, and once again My stomach felt bloated. I took another pregnancy test but I took it alone this time and it was positive. I waited several weeks before I told my boyfriend. When I finally did tell him I was surprised he wasn’t mad or angry he was actually happy. But with both of us still living with our families he understood of my fear of having a baby. Ever since I got into high school my parents and grandparents always told to not get pregnant and if I did get pregnant I would have to move out and take care of it by myself. So having that thought in the back of my head already knowing that I wouldn’t get help from my own family just added fuel to my fear. So after weeks of thinking and talking to my boyfriend I finally decided to get an abortion. We finally get to the clinic and I’m just feeling relief knowing that I wouldn’t have a baby anymore and didn’t have to deal with stress with my family. Weeks after I couldn’t get it out of my mind. After seeing how big my stomach was and how much my baby grew already I felt terrible. I hated myself still hate myself to this day. Turning my baby a whole human into blood clots and flushing him down a toilet crushed me. I can’t focus in class I stopped going to work, whenever I see a woman that’s pregnant I just want to break down. I didn’t think that I would care this much I thought I could get on with my life without a care in a world but my thoughts get the best of me. My boyfriend has been helping me anyway that he can. He always tells me that I did it for the right reasons. Even though he was happy he wanted the baby to have a life a childhood that he deserved without any struggles but with our situation he didn’t want our baby having to go through any hardships. But I just can’t help thinking about him, him being in my stomach and feeling him come out of me…. It’s just so hard and I beat myself up everyday about it. I feel broken inside I feel like a bad person I just hate myself and I want him back…I want him back so bad.
I didn’t think I would feel this way