About three months ago I noticed some changes with my body. I didn’t get my period for a month but I didn’t think much of it. Then 4 weeks went by and My stomach felt very bloated so I asked my boyfriend to get a pregnancy test for me. We came back to my place, I took the test and it said that I wasn’t pregnant. Another month went by and my breasts started to hurt and feel sore, and once again My stomach felt bloated. I took another pregnancy test but I took it alone this time and it was positive. I waited several weeks before I told my boyfriend. When I finally did tell him I was surprised he wasn’t mad or angry he was actually happy. But with both of us still living with our families he understood of my fear of having a baby. Ever since I got into high school my parents and grandparents always told to not get pregnant and if I did get pregnant I would have to move out and take care of it by myself. So having that thought in the back of my head already knowing that I wouldn’t get help from my own family just added fuel to my fear. So after weeks of thinking and talking to my boyfriend I finally decided to get an abortion. We finally get to the clinic and I’m just feeling relief knowing that I wouldn’t have a baby anymore and didn’t have to deal with stress with my family. Weeks after I couldn’t get it out of my mind. After seeing how big my stomach was and how much my baby grew already I felt terrible. I hated myself still hate myself to this day. Turning my baby a whole human into blood clots and flushing him down a toilet crushed me. I can’t focus in class I stopped going to work, whenever I see a woman that’s pregnant I just want to break down. I didn’t think that I would care this much I thought I could get on with my life without a care in a world but my thoughts get the best of me. My boyfriend has been helping me anyway that he can. He always tells me that I did it for the right reasons. Even though he was happy he wanted the baby to have a life a childhood that he deserved without any struggles but with our situation he didn’t want our baby having to go through any hardships. But I just can’t help thinking about him, him being in my stomach and feeling him come out of me…. It’s just so hard and I beat myself up everyday about it. I feel broken inside I feel like a bad person I just hate myself and I want him back…I want him back so bad.
I didn’t think I would feel this way
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Thank you for sharing your heartbreaking story, I wish I could give you a hug and give more assistance than what is possible in a comment section.
You should start going to church and speaking with God about the situation. He will forgive you and even though it may sound silly to you (I understand I only recently became faithful), prayers really do help.
Maybe, if it doesn’t hurt too much to be around them, you could volunteer at your nearest crisis pregnancy center. They are great organizations that teach confused pregnant women that there are far better options than abortion and give free help to the most needy among us.
Someone with a story like yourself may be what it takes to save some people from getting abortions. And you could help save the lives of countless beautiful babies.
Check out Rachel’s Vineyard aka Project Rachel and go on their weekend retreat to get the healing, mercy and forgiveness that can only be found thru our Lord Jesus Christ.