Letting my boyfriend talk me into getting an abortion

I’ve thought about sharing my story for a long time because I didn’t know if anyone would understand what I have been through or listen to what I had so say, but I think it’s finally time. I had an abortion almost three years ago. I was a freshman in college and thought I met the “love of my life.” Looking back, this “man” was very mentally and emotionally abusive and so many people were telling me what was happening but I couldn’t see through it because of how he would manipulate my feelings. Made me feel that I wasn’t good enough to be with anyone else. Made me feel dependent on him by the things he would say to me. One day, we were playing basketball outside and I got this sharp pain in my side, to this day I still don’t know what it was from, I couldn’t catch my breath so he took me to the hospital. We got there and the doctor wanted to take an x ray so they had to take a pregnancy test. I honestly had no thought about being pregnant at all. The nurses come back and I could tell they had so much joy and happiness for me and then they said they couldn’t take an x ray because I was pregnant. I was so in shock my emotions went everywhere. I immediately called my mom and told her the news and we both were crying and I remember her saying that everything was okay and she would help me. I got off the phone with my mom, looked at the “man” that impregnated me and he said “you need to get an abortion.” My heart dropped, this wasn’t in my mind at all and hearing those words, immediately made me ball. Why would he say that? Why does he not love me enough to have a baby with me? I got released from the hospital and didn’t say a word. For days, he would tell me to call the clinic. Eventually I did and went through with it. There are a lot of things that have to happen in order to have an abortion, which is too long to talk about. They gave me a pill and sent me home with two more. I remember wanting to say “ I don’t want to do it anymore” but I couldn’t talk him out of it, he didn’t want this child. We went back to my apartment I took the second pill and immediately the most horrible pain I have ever experienced in my life. I started bleeding everywhere I had to go to the bathroom and there was a visual object that was in the toilet afterwards. I then started puking multiple times in a row. Balling my eyes out while my boyfriend at the time sat in the other room. After I got done puking, he said he had to leave. He left me all alone to deal with this pain. The job was done so he had no need to be there anymore. I sat on my bathroom floor crying for hours, bleeding the most I have ever. I regret this decision every day of my life. I wish I could’ve been strong enough to not listen to what he wanted. I wish I could see the signs. Listen to what people were saying around me. But sadly, I can’t go back in time. I won’t ever know what my baby would’ve looked like, I think that’s what I want the most. Is to just know what he or she would’ve looked like. Please listen to your gut and don’t care about what other people want. At the end of the day, what matters is your happiness. This pain and guilt will forever be with me.