I got to pretend like I’m okay

I had an #Abortion on 12th of April 2021….im 18 doing my first year at varsity….my mom took the decision for me which left me worthless, empty and depressed ….i remember the feeling of waking up knowing that in few months I’ll be holding my lil ones :'( little did I know that they were twins :'( my mom took the chance of being a mom from me and leaving me with regrets….I remember how prepared I was to be a mom :'(♥praying to God to protect my lil one everyday♥whenever I go out of my bedroom I got to wear a smile that’s so empty and unreal :'( I got to pretend like im okay….I was 4 months pregnant and my babies were already kicking♥I miss those precious moments♥im sad, I wet my shirts with milk while there’s no baby to care for….my body is confused :'( I wonder if God will ever forgive me….the labour pains I had are nothing compared to how I feel now.