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I think I hate them

by Admin

When we found out I was pregnant. His response was whatever you want to do I support you. DH has three boys 15yo, 12yo and,10yo (that are with us full time) from a previous marriage and we have one girl 5yo together. His mother(who has early onset dementia also lives with us.)BACKSTORY{ he has close to 8 acres of land that we live on with a nice 5 BR 3 bathroom double wide and there is his mother’s house where we essentially have a squatter because my damn DH is too much of a “nice guy” to make this man pay any rent! I say we kick this man to the curb fix the house back up and let his mother move back into her house, but I mention it I get yelled at, called a bitch and told that I can just leave! Over the years the stresses of being in a blended family both emotionally and financially made me realize that one child was probably all that would happen. So I had an abortion on Saturday April 17th 2021 at 18 weeks and 6 days. I am so depressed over it. I’m trying not to resent DH but the truth is, that it feels like another sacrifice that I’m making because he has other kids. I feel that If he didn’t have the other kids( then we would be able to afford this child. Neither of us have family near to help watch the baby. DH not needing another child b/c of finances. Even going as far to question me about birth control. I feel like the worse mother alive. I am pro-choice but I don’t feel like I have much of a choice. I’m not strong enough to say “f##k everyone” I can do this. DH is constantly hoovering over me to talk to him about how I feel. And then when I mention how I feel (depressed all the time, this is literally all I can think about) he changes the subject and is not listening to me. He knows that I wanted this child and I can tell that he feels guilty but relieved. As I sit here I keep thinking that I hate all of them. Him and his entire family. For the past ten years I’ve been bending over backwards to support all of them and I feel so alone. I have to go on for the rest of my life celebrating birthdays and life events for children who don’t even tell me Happy Mothers Day or Happy Birthday. I just needed to let this out.

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Anonymous May 8, 2021 - 8:30 am

Omg I’m in a similar position. And I feel where you are coming from. I have a bf now that has 6 kids and we have a child together and I have another son with someone else. I just recently had abortion and I feel horrible about it at the same time I feel like I hate all of his family too! He has 3 kids that come over every weekend that we both provide food for and everything. I feel like I have nobody to talk to because people judge a lot. I don’t think it’s fair

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