I wish I never made the most selfish decision of my life, 5 years later I wish I can change it all and have you here.

When I was 23 years old 5 years ago I met this guy weeks of just knowing him I found out I was pregnant at the time of my life I was young lost confused and didn’t know what to do, I was scared my parents didn’t know only me and this guy. I had told him that I was pregnant we were both pretty young at the time which still doesn’t make what I did okay it’s not an excuse, once I told him the news he was very supportive as to what I wanted to do, whether it was to have the baby or no, he told it it was my decision and made it clear to me that it was my choice that he will be here regardless of my choice without judgment me thinking How can I have a baby with someone I barely know and it’s not my boyfriend just a guy I’m getting to know me being scared of what’s to come for me and this baby I didn’t want to bring him to this world to suffer I wasn’t mentally stable I felt I couldn’t be good enough of a mother for this baby so I made the worst decision I’ve ever made and that’s terminating my little angel life. I remember taking the first pill and immediately regretting it so I didn’t take the second one thinking it was going to save my baby if I didn’t which was very stupid of me, a week later pass I still didn’t take the pill and that’s when my worst fear happen. One night as I was sleeping I realize something was wrong I was bleeding a lot and I didn’t understand why which also quickly changed I was brought to the hospital because of the bleeding and told the nurses and doctor there that I was pregnant but had taken an abortion pill they brought me into the ultrasound room to check for a heartbeat and there wasn’t one my baby had already lost it’s heart beat with the first pill I took I was still carrying the baby inside of me and that’s why I was bleeding uncontrollably. At the hospital they gave me the second pill to take to finish the abortion it had to be done I already had started the process, throughout all of this my heart ached like it has never ached I felt like the worst human being ever I killed an innocent life that didn’t deserve to leave this world without experiencing first, I didn’t give my baby that was apart of me a chance to live and I will forever regret that until this day I still cry until this day even with another baby I still cry and imagine my first love face, until this day I still regret my decision I wish I can go back in time and tell myself it’s okay this is going to only bring you joy and happiness not the opposite babies are gods miracle, innocents life that should never be murder that’s what abortion is an act of murder and I killed my baby and for that I will never be able to be fully happy in life this pain is never going to go away, and I wish I got to hold you, to my baby in heaven, mommy loves you and mommy is so sorry I wish I I can take it all back and knowing that it’s not possible will forever hurt. You will always be a part of me until the day I’m not here anymore my sweet angel.