I was 16yrs old when I got pregnant. Myself and my boyfriend of 3yrs at the time were nervous but happy. We knew that we made a mistake being so young, but we were ready face our challenges. We waited a couple of weeks and then I told my mom. I told her during a Labor Day cook out we were hosting for our family. I sat next to her and my grandmother while my dad was cooking on the grill. I looked at her and said, ” I have something to tell you, please don’t yell and get upset”. Then I told her I was pregnant. She started yelling and swearing ” Are you stupid?”, “what is the matter with you”, and on and on for 10 minutes. I ran to my bedroom and called my boyfriend. After talking to him and his mother we thought it would be best if I went and stayed with them for a few days until things calmed down. My mother forbade it and being 16 I thought the only other option was to run away. After my boyfriend and his cousin came and picked me up, we got pulled over by the cops because my parents called it in as a kidnapping.
When I returned home my mother told me I was getting an abortion. We yelled back and forth to each other for what seemed like an eternity. She told me I had “NO CHOICE” or I would not be allowed to go to school anymore or see the father of my child ever again. I begged and pleaded with her, but she would not budge.
The day that it happened I remember so vividly. My dad was at the kitchen table drinking coffee telling my mother that he did not want to sign the parental consent form. He said he was not happy about it. My mother was smiling all morning, which made me even more furious. As we left my dad gave me hug and told me that he loved me, and he was sorry that my mother was making me do this. When we got there, no one told me anything that was going to happen. I asked if my mother could at least come in the room with me. She told them she would rather not. Afterwards I had the empty feeling in my entire body. I still have it to this day. I live with the guilt that my mother made me do something that I knew in my heart was so so wrong. It is a hollow feeling every day and I will never forget my little one who I never had the chance to hold.
I’m so sorry that your mom put you through this. As a mom of 3 and a labor and delivery nurse , I saw a lot of girls coming from ER with parents in shock just finding out that they were going to be grandparents that day. I’m sure your mom thought she was doing what was best for you. We now know the side effects on a emotional level after a abortion, the things that Planned Parenthood don’t mention. I don’t know if you have ever heard of Rachaels Vineyard, it’s a organization that helps mothers, fathers deal with the emotions after a abortion. Whether the abortion was a week or 30 yrs ago or more. They can be found all over the U.S.. There are also other organizations or therapist that specializes in post abortive problems
Also pro-life organisations which now have a major of women and men , like you who regret or were forced to have abortions and want to tell others it’s not like going to a dentist and losing a tooth, that the mental health issues can last a life time or cause drug & alcohol abuse and even suicide. So I pray you seek help. But the most important thing I want you to know, Jesus loves you and will forgive you, just ask him for his forgiveness and to help you love yourself and to forgive your mother. If not now , I know someday she will carry guilt for what she made you go through. Even if she never expresses it out loud. All my move, Lynne ( Catholic active in church ministry) Jesus knows the damage a abortion does to a women and that’s why he tells us not to have them, even adoption is a better option for our physical and mental wellbeing. He loves us he’s not about approving things that will hurt us.
I am so very sorry for this incredible hurt you have experienced. I pray one day you will find God’s forgiveness and that you’ll be able to give that forgiveness to your mom. Your precious baby is with his/her Creator, loved and cared for and without need, I hope you find great peace with that knowledge.
I’m praying for you.
From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
That Rock is Jesus. ❤️