Painful Consequences because of Actions “I hated myself…”

November 5, 2012 No Comments »

I am twenty four years old. I am the mother of a four year old girl, a single mother but her father is very much a part of her life. I always thought I would never have an abortion, also said I would never have another child. this summer I got involved into drugs then next thing I know I was pregnant, completely confused I had no idea what to do. my partner at the time was completely dead set on us “fixing” our problem. I was completely crushed. I didn’t want to have an abortion, adoption was evermore out of the question. I came to the conclusion that by already being 10 weeks pregnant when I found out that I did not gave the means to support another child that most likely would have had issues because of my actions which made the pain of all of this even worse, I hated myself for getting myself into that situation. with support we went to the clinic, with every intention on getting the abortion pill I was two days over the time frame in which I was  able too. I was scheduled for another appointment ten days later for surgical. I was such a mess, between being born between keeping it or not, the babies father confused as well, on top of very upset that I had to go thru another ten days of being pregnant then having to have surgery. the day came and I was rushed into a surgery room. no pain relievers or sedation. pretty much was told to lay down and look at the ceiling. The pain was pretty bad, the sounds of the machinery did not make it better. once I was done I was brought into the recovery room where I watched this girl younger than me balling her eyes out, which got me going. my partner had just got into the room where they had gave me antibiotics, I was in there for a matter of ten mins before they told me I was fine and they needed the seat. coldest experience I have ever gone thru. it has been three months and I full heartedly regret it, just as much as the dad does, I went full force back into being a intravenous drug user to help numb my pain. I can’t go an hour without thinking about my baby. so my advice girls be safe, check all of your options. it is something you will never forget. but hopefully you can forgive yourself if you do have too. I wish I had my baby back everyday, I don’t think it will ever change either.

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