I was 24 and 5 months postpartum with my son. Married and we both worked good paying jobs. I could tell something was off because I was desperately trying to lose weight but only gaining. My head had been hurting for almost 2 weeks. I took the test and as I was peeing on it, immediately it popped positive. My first thought was to laugh because hell, I was on birth control and we tried for my son for 2 YEARS! I didn’t tell my husband because I was actually terrified. After about 12 hours of holding the news in, I said it- “I’m pregnant.” He thought I was lying so we got another test and once again before I could even speak- it was 2 very distinct pink lines. At first, my husband made jokes about having 2 under 2 but those jokes turned into a quick discussion about abortion. I told him that it did cross my mind surprisingly… I was scared. My son was only 5 months old and he was a very hard baby. I still had PTSD from his Colic stage. I remember telling him I wanted to see the baby before we made any decisions. He was opposed of course. I called the abortion clinic 3 hours away from me. The soonest they could get me in would put me POSSIBLY at 10 weeks and 6 days pregnant. I told him, that’s too far. It was amazing, the amount of encouragement he gave me to have this abortion. Made me sick. I would tell him, “ I can’t do it, I’ll hate myself for it if I do.” And his reply, “you got this babe.” We ended up getting an appointment two days later and on the way, I cried and cried. Want to know what he did the whole way? He sang along to disgusting rap music. I wondered, “why is he so happy? How can he be in such a good mood?” I asked, he said “I handle situations differently than you.” I sat down in the clinic alone and texted him- “I can’t do this, it’s wrong.” He again, cheered me on. So I did It- took the first pill. Took the remaining home to take the next day BUT at about 12 the next day- I bursted into tears and cried out “I change my mind, I change my mind!” My husband was working so I texted him about seeking medical help to see if we can reverse the affects. From stories I heard- if you can be seen by an OB within 24 hours and be given progesterone, you can possibly save the baby. Clearly I had been doing some research. My husband texted back that the abortion needed to be completed and that we couldn’t continue the pregnancy. By time my husband came home, he become annoyed by my tears and said “fine keep the baby.” Well by this time, our sweet baby was likely gone so to save the embarrassment at the ER- I just took the remaining pills… instant regret. Minutes later- I was bleeding heavily. No one prepared me for the fact that it was going to physically see the body of my 9ish week old fetus in my toilet as I was arched over in pain. Days following, the regret became so overwhelming that I stopped eating. I stopped communicating with friends. I looked at my sweet 5 month old boy and apologized profusely- “I’m so sorry that I took away your brother or sister.” Eventually I cracked and finally told my mom who didn’t believe me… the disappointment in her voice… I’ll never forget it. I was seeking support but instead was hit with more pain. She said “you absolutely could have had that baby, why did you do that?” That’s when I realized, I didn’t have a good answer. I wasn’t raped, I’m not poor, my health was good. My reasons were associated with my husband’s satisfaction… Now. Now I can’t look at my husband the same. The resentment is undeniable. I think back to those messages where I cried out “I don’t want to do this” and then his replies, “you got this,” I support you,” “it’s the best things for us.” Yeah I’m still married to him. I can’t risk losing partial custody of my son. His parents are wealthy and I know that if we got a divorce, the custody he would fight for would 100% be for his parents. I can’t risk it. So now what do I have? A lot of regret. A sour marriage. Emotional damage. My drive to keep going is my son. That’s all. Fear is something you can get past, regret sticks with you forever.
I am so sorry to hear about your situation. Mine was almost the exact same. When I was reading your story, I felt like I was having someone else write mine to me. I know your pain, because I have it to. I live with it every day.
Men are horrible. I read these stories and think how many of these babies would have been born if the man in the circumstance actually took responsibility for their actions?
I’m just so sorry that you, myself, and all these other women had to go through this misery. It’s been 2years since I had my abortion and it doesn’t get easier. I still lash out at my partner for not wanting our baby and putting me through what I had to go through because of him. It’s not fair.
Dear hurting mommy,
I am so sorry for your pain and heartbreak and regret… my heart hurts for you. I am glad you haven’t left your husband, I know what he did was wrong, but leaving him would only cause more pain, especially for your son, and it would fix nothing. It wouldn’t take away the bitterness you hold toward him.
Only Jesus is the answer for your pain. He is the only One who truly understands. He offers forgiveness to the unforgivable- us – and He sacrificed Himself on our behalf and for every wrong we have ever done it will ever do. He is a loving and gracious and merciful Savior. I hope you’ll run to Him and find His amazing grace and forgiveness. Burdens are lifted in His arms.
Every one of us are the worst of the worst. We’ve all done wrong and we all deserve the punishment for our sin.
For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God.
But… God offers us a present! A gift!
For the wages [payment] of sin is death [hell], but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Only Jesus, the perfect, sinless Son of God could pay for the sins of the whole world, and He did it knowing everything we would ever do.
But God commendeth [showed] His love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
We cannot earn this gift by doing good things…
For by grace are ye saved through faith, and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God, not if works, lest any man should boast.
The only way to receive the gift God offers is to accept it.
But if though shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised Him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.
Just ask Him. It’s that simple.
For whosever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
I hope you’ll reach out to a Bible-teaching church in your area… Look for an independent, fundamental, KJV preaching church and you’ll most likely find truth there.
I’ll be praying for you, friend.
I m 39 n I was planning for 3rd baby Becuz I want to then I found I m pregnant n I msg my doctor.She make appointments for labs n pre natal appointment for me.I made mistake I show my positive report to my kids n they were very happy.day by day My stomach feels very heavy n Heart Burns,24 hours I feel dehydrated n pain in Stomach then I feel like I don’t want to continue pregnancy.I didn’t tell anyone abt my pregnancy except my kids n husband but my family isn’t Supportive they always put me down.M living in my parents home on Rent.I don’t have home yet.N on 9 weeks I took pills to remove this pregnancy my doctor gave me medicine in the office but right after I took pills I just wanted to throw out but now it’s late .I don’t know why I did that I just hate my self.I cried a lot n lot n apologies to my unborn kid that I killed him or her.I don’t understand what happened to me.Now I have Regret n loss my kids were asking when r u going to next pregnancy test Becuz I told them it was fake I ll test again.God Forgive me.