Selfishness over Shame

It’s been over 10 years since my abortion. I now have three beautiful boys. I look at them and wonder how did I get so blessed with them. I then wonder if my aborted child is watching me wondering why he wasn’t worthy. I pray to God that he opened his kingdom to my aborted baby. I pray I can give my eternal life for him to be in heaven if that means spending eternity in hell. I have no excuse at why this baby could not have a life on earth other than I was too selfish. Why did I have an abortion? I used poor judgement, and got myself pregnant. I was ashamed, and didn’t want to ruin my reputation should anyone find out. Why should that matter anyway, I think to myself now? My life wouldn’t have been ruined in all hindsight. I was 24, I knew better, I was grown. I had no intention of spending my life with the guy. I convinced myself this was the way to go, somehow fooling myself into thinking that if no one knows then it didn’t happen. But, it did happen and I think about it every day and all because I was too selfish to share my life with a baby. My heart is so full with my 3 boys, which just makes it hurt even more that I denied that from this child from the beginning. I also feel like I let my boys down as I won’t be waiting for them in heaven when all our times come. To anyone who reads this considering abortion, please please with all your heart, reconsider. For whatever justifiable reason you think you may have, the agony, pain and heartbreak will haunt you forever. Avoiding any type of shame or embarrassment hardly seems worth it for an eternity of regret and guilt. If you truly can’t keep your baby, adopt! It’ll be much easier living with yourself knowing you didn’t have to take your own baby’s life.