by Admin

It was over 30 years ago. I remember the day like it was yesterday.

My so loving I wanna marry you boyfriend just left.

I had to quit my 3 jobs because I was so violently ill.

My adoptive family wouldn’t take me in and help me. They said I should go away to a “home somewhere. That terrified me.

I lied in bed, day after day and cried and vomited. My heart was pounding. I didn’t know what dehydration was then.

My friend would visit me once or twice a week and bring me a sub and I would scoff it down, but it never stayed there.

That was my life for over 3 months 

Deadbeat boyfriend stopped taking my calls.

When I was about 13 weeks pregnant I dragged myself to the welfare office with my head hung low. I had no idea how this process worked.

I told the woman I was very hungry and in a situation and she told me you can get NO HELP until after you have a baby.
So I left.

What now???

No food, I ran out of money and was all alone. I was TERRIFIED.

A therapist said I could get emergency medicaid and have the procedure done.


I get medicated with IV starting..
They lay me down on table..

The song Memories is playing and the last line of the song says “And it’s the laughter we will remember, when we remember the way we were.”
The song felt like it was killing me….I was balling my eyes out…there were 2 doctors there and I think I was waiting for one of them to say…ok…we can’t do this…you don’t really want it.

But that never happened.

I continued to cry as I didn’t feel any pain but I just heard the song and a loud suction sound, like a vacuum type of instrument. Then it was done.

I wobbled as they tried to stand me up and put me in a wheelchair and then into a recovery room for 2 to 3 hours.

I felt fine.

Relieved actually.

Problem solved.

If I only had known, my problems just began.

This was 30 years ago and the suffering goes on and on.

It really has gotten worse over the decades. I think about it every day and it is excruciating. 

The guilt.

The shame.

The horror.

The flashbacks of the experience.


I hope this is not too graphic for people to read.

If I could save just one precious, tiny, gift of a life and save another woman’s soul…it certainly will be worth it.

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1 comment

Tricia S. June 25, 2022 - 9:23 pm

I’m praying for you. God can use something ugly for something Beautiful! I pray for healing for your deep hurts and heartache.

If you don’t know the Lord as your personal Savior, your Heavenly Father, I pray you will! He makes all things well. He heals. He forgives. He makes new.

John 3:3-7 KJV
[3] Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God. [4] Nicodemus saith unto him, How can a man be born when he is old? can he enter the second time into his mother’s womb, and be born? [5] Jesus answered, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God. [6] That which is born of the flesh is flesh; and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. [7] Marvel not that I said unto thee, Ye must be born again.

John 3:16-17 KJV
[16] For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. [17] For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.

Romans 5:8 KJV
[8] But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

Romans 10:13 KJV
[13] For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.

There is so much that I wish I could tell you of the hope I have found in the Lord, but I pray you’ll read for yourself. Just start in Matthew and keep going. God is so good.

Thank you for sharing your story. You make a difference.