The baby I wanted!

I found out I was pregnant in august 2020. I was so excited I finally had my life together. I had a car, my other children were back in daycare after the whole Covid saga. I had just started a new job. I thought my life was great and I was ready for my baby. The father of the baby was great to my kids and me before I found out I was pregnant. When I had told him, he wanted me to abort my baby. I told him no I didn’t believe in abortion. This turned into months of bullying and manipulation. I had domestics with my kids father in the past. The father of my baby knew that. A few months after I said I didn’t want to abort he made a false report to dcf to get my children taken after the last time I refused abortion. I was terrified to loose my children. I told the OBGYN at my appointment the situation of DCF and why I was there and that I didn’t want to be. All she said was “I think you’re brave”. I don’t understand why nobody called a social worker or told me they couldn’t approve the abortion because I wasn’t there with my own will. But they did. And I felt like I was crazy I had to force myself to stay in that hospital force myself to take those pills as the nurse handed them to me and said “have fun”. I cried and talked to my baby for the last time in those 20 minutes I stood in the bathroom holding my belly. I apologized to my baby. I felt my baby move. I went back into that hospital bed laid down praying someone would see me that I didn’t wanna be there. But they ignored me cause I was crying. All I could do was pray I know that ironic because of what I was doing. But I didn’t want to be there. I woke up out of anesthesia saying no I want my baby I don’t want an abortion give me my baby I don’t want this. It was too late. I begged god to forgive me. I begged for him to turn back time and give me my baby again. The father of the baby never acknowledged me , never cared, never came. Months later announced everything on Facebook. I’ve had the worst 5 months ever. I have the worst depression and anxiety. I cry every day over my baby. I beg god everyday. I just wish I could’ve had my baby and I would give anything to have my baby back again. I let the world hurt me and my baby and I should’ve fought harder. Abortion didn’t just take my baby it took me and my innocence. It took my happiness.