The decision I never had

April 6th,2021 I am 18 years old and I had my abortion on April 2nd, 2021 (12 days before my 19th birthday). I feel the need to share my story with you because it is not only real but I hope to bring shed some insight on what its like in hopes of helping others out there. I found out I was pregnant February 22nd,2021 and the first person I told was my incredible best friend I cherish to this day, being she was the only one who supported me and my decision to want to continue the pregnancy. The following month was full of nothing but strings of hope and countless problems arising. Telling my boyfriend who has a beautiful 3 year old son was hard because he wanted us to live our lives and become more financially stable and feared of repeating the past of having his child taken away from him. If I kept the pregnancy he said he would support me and nurture and love us unconditionally but I of course feared being a single mother. I remember he promised we will have children together like our lives depended on it but all I could think about was “How could you promise something that depends on my life when I’m depending yours to save mine?” My parents on the other hand, daddy took it better than mom of course, and my aunt, insanely wealthy but secluded hours away in a condo in Santa Barbara offered nothing but inspirational texts in hopes that I would follow what my family wanted in ending my pregnancy. My mother offered to give up our monthly rent just to make sure the procedure was done on her own terms. I absolutely refused and could not let her control me even more than what was happening. With time and lack of signs and dying support, I felt suffocated and defeated and gave into having a medical abortion. The pain first off is unlike no other, debilitating and crushing, like a mountain of pain sits on you and your paralyzed not being able to stop what’s happening. Days later as I write this, my physical pain was replaced with emotional. I cry and ignore my family and constantly ponder of erratic and spontaneous decisions to try and help. “Well maybe I’ll just let myself get pregnant again and do what I want to do” “Maybe I’ll just start over and have a family and relationship with someone who will support me” or “Maybe I just take up something that’s going to help take the pain away”. It takes a toll on me, but I cannot allow myself to devolve into such self destructive patterns. My final words to you reader, be cautious and be delicate in your decision, exhaust every opportunity to keep the pregnancy if you so desire, be safe and be diligent with sex from the start, and if your pregnancy is something you want to fight for, then fight like your life depends on it. “No one will ever fight for a baby bird stronger than their mother”. Remember you deserve a say and a voice in what happens to you, your body, and your life. That decision is yours even though I never had mine. I wish you nothing but happiness and the greatest luck wherever you are in life. Stay safe. Thank you. Kindest Regards, Miss K.