What could have been

I think about it every day of what could have been. I made the difficult decision to abort at 5 weeks and was only 19 at the time. I was too afraid of birth control and chose vitamin C tablets as a natural remedy. I regret it so deeply but I take to babysitting and taking care of my nieces as a means to cope. I try to show the love I would have given to my own child to help with the pain. There are nights where I can not stop thinking about it, calling myself a murderer and a horrible person. I know that I am not that, I know that the decision was not easy and it comes with a lifelong lesson that I hope I can use in some way later down the road. You are not alone, you are not a monster. It doesn’t get easier but with the support of my close loved ones, it makes it easier. I wish I could share with more people I care about, but I know that they would not take well to it. I am thankful for what I do have.