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I am 22, i found out christmas eve of 2021 i was pregnant… i have heart problems. I take daily medication for it and have routine scans etc.. i have been told for the past 3 years if i got pregnant I wouldn’t be able to survive the pregnancy, or even labor. Given that, when i found out i was so excited and ready. I really wanted to be a mom. I had to have an early ultrasound at 6 weeks, something wasn’t right. My obgyn referred me to a clinic, to have an abortion by a “specialist”, i did consult all of my regular doctors (cardiologist, neurologist, obgyn, and family doctor) they all agreed 10/10 i would have lost my life trying to continue on with it. This was after a month of testing to determine such. So January 26th 2022 they scheduled my abortion for February 11th… i drove myself (I couldn’t have sedation or pain meds, they did it while me totally awake and no numbing, literally nothing) i felt everything… after i put my legs up before she started i did ask to stop, she proceeded as the nurse held me down on the table, i screamed out at the top of my lungs, shaking, traumatized.. in that moment i was willing to risk my life for this baby… it didn’t matter though. They continued on. No one told me until after it was done that the fetus had deformities. I was supposed to be 10 weeks pregnant i was measuring at 7 weeks 5 days due to slow development because of my own issues, it was not developing properly. I regret it every day though. Cause if that was the case I could’ve miscarried and not feel so terrible and hate myself. Im battling with addiction as well, ive been sober for 7 months and this just adds to it. I wanted that baby. A week later i had to have emergency surgery, due to complications. (An incomplete abortion) pieces were left behind. I had a bad infection, i started hemorrhaging, i had to drive myself to the er in the middle of a snowstorm, tried to call 911. Operator wasn’t helpful at all, when i asked for an ambulance, so as im blacking out, sliding on ice, trying to get to the er as quick as i can, to have surgery, I almost lost my life anyways… like surgery was longer than it needed to be due to complications from the trauma on my body… im still healing 4+ weeks later. Stitches and all. Even if it was medically determined id lose my life, and that it had deformities, probably wouldn’t of survived past the next two weeks. i regret it everyday, i hate myself, i cry everytime i hear or see a kid at any age. Its a constant reminder of what i did. No it wasnt 100% my choice but I decided it was the best one even if i tried to change my mind, it still happened. I didnt try hard enough… No one knows besides my doctors, the guy knew he didnt care about any of this… ive looked up asking god why put me through so much in my life, ive even looked down asking satan if its funny to watch someone fight so hard to be decent and watch as its not possible anymore… i have suicidal thoughts, i battle every second of every day on how to live with myself. I thought i was doing the right thing, i might have given all the circumstances but it doesnt feel that way to me. Hypothetically killing an adult rapist is easy, but realistic killing a fetus in any aspect hard asf. The hardest thing youll go through… adoption at least you know it will be taken care of and alive… i wanted options. I wanted out of that being my “only option” i hate it here… i want out if my brain. I dont want to breathe anymore knowing what I’ve done. I know I would’ve died, it was the best realistic option, the safest way for me to live life… but i dont want my life anymore knowing i killed my baby… I’ve been on a mix of antidepressants, anti anxiety meds and sedatives. None of them work… i will forever hate myself. Even if a suicidal thought is successful, i will continue to hate myself. Atleast then ill know i got what i had coming to me for killing my innocent baby i loved so much and wanted to keep. I should probably seek help… but living with the way i feel, makes me feel better knowing im suffering in silence because of a choice i made.. i do wish i would’ve died during surgery, i came close, but im here regretting every breath; that pain, the constant sadness, guilt, shame, regret, hate, depression, pain (emotional and physical, the memory of what was.) Is the worst thing. I dont wish this on anybody. Abd dont tell me it was for the best, because i would’ve died i almost did anyways… if you made it this far just send pray for my mom and sisters… they might need them..

I was pressured by my boyfriend to have an abortion. When I told him I was pregnant, my first pregnancy, he responded with, “I’ll pay for it”. This struck me deeply, in ways I would not fully comprehend until years later. First, he was living with me and buying groceries, but not helping with rent or utilities. Second, he was selfish with his money when it came to holidays and vacations. Why did he so readily offer to pay for the abortion? When I asked why that was the only solution, he replied saying that it would ruin his life, his mom and dad would be so disappointed in him, and (not sure where this came from) that he’d probably have to join the military. Not one word about me or the baby. I was very broken, all those years ago. 30 years, ago, this year. My relationships with men involved only broken men with drinking issues or feelings of inadequacy issues. I was out to fix men. I was going to save them. I made my appointment, went to the clinic a week later, with my bag of essentials packed that the receptionist listed for me to bring. I felt so empty and isolated. I told no one else about the pregnancy. If my boyfriend looked at the baby as a mistake, it must be, I told myself. I felt like a mistake, myself. But, I prayed, and I had been reaching out to God, for the past 2 weeks. A God I did not know so well, even though I grew up in the church. I was afraid to be a single mom, in a city with no family, and no real friend connections, that I felt, at this point. I was afraid to loose my job, because of the nature of my work. But, I walked out of that abortion clinic that day. I did loose my job, I could not forgive my boyfriend, and our relationship ended, although he was trying. 3 years ago, my son and my pastor baptized me and I gave my life to Christ. My son gave his life to Christ, after many years of pain and suffering. God has used him to bring others to Christ. I am still in awe of God’s grace and mercy and so grateful that He saved us both.

I’m 51 and my first pregnancy ,I was made to abort my baby .I was never the same.

I had an abortion 12-8-1979. Worst thing I have ever done. I wish so much that I had never had it done. I was 21. My abortion was done in Pittsburgh, PA. I hide it from doctors and my family. I am ashamed that I had an abortion.

I found out I was pregnant in November 2020. I had all sorts of mixed emotions, I was 20 at the time. I called my boyfriend and we were trying to figure out what to do and most importantly how to tell our parents. So it happened that I confided in a friend of mine who then went behind my back and told my mom before me. My mom then got angry and called my aunt . At this point my boyfriend was happy that I was pregnant and we wanted to keep our baby. My aunt however being the overlooker for my siblings and I at the time because my mom was out of the country, decided to take me to do an abortion, she paid for it and everything. My biggest regret is not standing up to my aunt because I was scared , they threatened to put me out and even stop paying for my university . I was HURT! I was ANGRY! Because I wanted to keep my child but everyone else thought it would have brought shame on my family. So here I am now living a life full of Regrets, I have suicidal thoughts and I’m stuck with the thought that what if I opened my mouth and stood up for myself but instead I did nothing, I let them take my beautiful baby away from me. I ask Gid for forgiveness everyday . After the abortion they all just went back to normal like nothing happened and I was left with the extreme pain and the hole in my heart.

I found out I was pregnant this January of 2022….I only knew about it for 4 days and I was in love with it already. That’s when all the thoughts started to hit. The good and the bad thoughts. The pros and the cons. The struggle of thinking am I really ready to handle 2 children. I already have a 1 year old son and I have been doing just great at being a mother so I figured that it would be a happy moment and another experience for me because I was ready to do it all over again. Sadly, I broke the news and no one was happy about this. I kept getting bad slander and doubts from my family and also my boyfriends family. It seems that we were the only 2 happy about this and I couldn’t shake the feeling of how people can actually say these things or even doubt you as an adult. I can’t even find the courage to remember the horrible things that were said because it was just that bad. I started thinking that maybe it would be best to do an abortion but that feeling never sat well with me at all. I didn’t wanna abort my baby. My sweet, and innocent baby. It’s just a baby that didn’t ask to be here and now look what’s going on. I didn’t wanna bring this baby in the world just for it to be hated by its own family and it has done nothing wrong and I didn’t want to struggle anymore than what I am. What hurts the most is that I’m capable financially but, life has a funny way at affecting a lot of things because honestly it’s life that’s the problem at the moment. Maybe if life was different I would have looked at this situation a different way but sadly it isn’t and it’s the most depressing thing ever. A lot of people don’t understand and I can’t make anyone understand what I’m going through. The slander and comments got so bad and honestly I started to get treated like I was a mess up in life and as if I were nothing. The depression weighed in on me and the anxiety suffocated me. Next thing you know I found myself in an abortion clinic getting an abortion. I literally let people and words push me to do something I didn’t want to do! I let my life situation push me into doing something I didn’t want to do and I must say it hurts like hell! It’s been 3 Weeks since my abortion and I have been depressed everyday. I have not been eating properly and I haven’t had good sleep at all. I find myself going to sleep at 1am only take wake up at 7amfor work and the cycle continues. I literally aborted my baby because I was pushed on edge and I felt like I was alone and had no support and the weight on my shoulders were heavy and hard to bare. For that I will never forgive myself because the lord knows how much I wanted to carry that baby and meet it when it was time. Only lord knows how much I loved it even though it wasn’t fully a fetus yet. When I got it done the news broke and they called it “a dot” , and “a little blood clot” “something I shouldn’t be depressed about because it wasn’t a fetus” and that hurt in a lot of ways to hear something as cruel as that. It hurts so much and I can’t reverse time to take it back. I feel like I have made the worse mistake I could have ever made. Let this be a life lesson, never let anyone tell you that you can’t handle or do something and never let life push you to the edge to make you feel like you’re not capable of doing something! If it’s something that you wanna do and know in your heart that you can do it then go for it! I let life and people push me and now I made the worst mistake ever which was aborting my baby something I didn’t want to do. Don’t be me or don’t do what I have done. If you feel that you are ready to be a mother then be a mother and go for it! Children are precious blessings. If you are going through a tough phase in your life and you are pregnant I am praying for you and that you find the courage to keep your baby because I wouldn’t want anyone to do what I did or felt what I felt….this is truly traumatizing and depressing and something I would never wish on anyone…ever. I deeply regret what I did.

I just wish I could explain how traumatizing my first pregnancy was with my sons father and it could express the feelings of fear that I had of being pregnant again by him. I’ve always been to 100 percent pro life which is the saddest part of it all. It’s against what I feel and believe. It was so bad that I was suicidal for a whole year after our son. He was constantly cheating and abusing me. I was/am in a trauma bond with my sons father. We live 5 states from each other and he came to be with us for thanksgiving. My family never invites my son and I, so we figured to have our own little dinner. I ended up getting pregnant and was terrified. I literally had a panic attack when I saw I was pregnant. I cried every time I thought about abortion but I couldn’t see past my situation. I didn’t want to go through pregnancy or motherhood alone. I was sick of doing it alone with my son. I told my sons father that I was pregnant. He was back and forth with keeping the baby. When I’d feel okay with keeping the baby he’d kind of push abortion even tho when I told him he said “we might as well get married “ (narcissistic). He has a case open for strangulation and a few other things he was concerned about and he didn’t want to co parent with another baby states away as well as I didn’t either. I don’t want to be away from my baby or to put another baby in the situation my son is in. I just couldn’t do it to another baby. I went back and forth and fought myself. I ended up making an appointment with a clinic that gives you the pill then and there. They wanted me to take the pill. I did not want to and they said it was the law to take it before I leave. So I put it in my mask and pretended to take it as it broke my heart of just the thought. – the clinic are liars they told me I was only six weeks when I knew I was at least 8. I held on to the pills. I wish I just threw them away. But I kept them “just in case”. I have no idea what went through my head and I just panicked and took the pill – the first pill. It’s so MESSED up because moments before I was taking pics with my ultrasound picture with my son to do an announcement. Then I just felt huge anxiety and ptsd about being pregnant again. I didn’t wanna feel suicidal like I did the first time. I was just so scared of it all. I didn’t take the next four pills the next day. I changed my mind. I told myself it was okay and I want baby. About a week went by and I had a clot and small amount of blood. I rushed to the ER. My baby was fine, her heart rate was at 165 and I saw her wiggling. When I found out she was okay (I found out she was a girl) I thanked God and told Him I’d never think about the abortion again and that when it’s hard I’d think about that day that I was just so thankful that baby was okay. Later that day I woke up from a nap and was gushing an unbelievable amount of blood. I lost the placenta and just kept gushing blood. I rushed to the ER again but I knew it was over this time. I knew I lost the baby. I cried the entire time. I needed to have a D&C and a blood transfusion. I was admitted and had to stay over night. I mourn for my daughter. I wish I just threw the pill away. I wish I saw past my situation. I wish my sons dad didn’t go back and forth and just convinced me to keep our baby. I wish my friends would have told me to keep it. They said I should abort and that if it were them they wouldn’t keep it. I just wish I could go back. I can’t believe I have to live the rest of my life without her. Without knowing who she is , what would have been, I hate this. It’s the worst pain I’ve ever felt. Abortion should be illegal. It shouldn’t even be an option. The pain and regret is worse than anything.