Thanks so much for this site being here that Im so glad I don’t suffer alone,I’ve hung on to the guilt 40 yrs. My mom turned her back on me then and my boyfriend didn’t help me with my options he said it’s my body you have to deside,I felt all alone,now we have to make our ammends with god,I struggle he forgives,though he loves us anyway and our sins are forgiven
I got pregnant when I was 16. I was terrified to take a test until my mom brought one home because I was having symptoms and she knew me and my boyfriend were active. It came out positive and I was terrified. She told me how I would not be keeping my child & scheduled an appointment for an abortion the next day. She asked me if that’s what I wanted, after telling me I was an embarrassment to myself & the family, I would be kicked out, I was a slut, she would never help raise the baby, and no one would ever be there for me. So I said yes knowing in my heart and mind 1000% that I did NOT want an abortion. I was not allowed to tell my boyfriend (father of the child) but I did and it hurt him so bad. He wanted to be there and have our baby but my mom would not let him. My mom didn’t allow us to see each other anymore which made things even worse. I loved him and our baby, even though we were young I wanted us to have our family and we would have made it work. 2 weeks later the appointment was scheduled, having a time limit put on your child is the most heartbreaking thing in the world. All I had was two more weeks with my baby. My child that was called a mistake or “situation” by my own mother . No one talks about the ride there, then arriving and filling out the paperwork and not even being old enough to give consent, then waiting for hours and hours for your name to be called. I was put to sleep and didn’t feel anything but it was the most painful thing in the world. I woke up crying hysterically with a broken heart. I didn’t know how to cope or grieve. I was alone. My boyfriend was hurting too, he was there for me, but I was the mom he would never understand my pain. I didn’t know that I wouldn’t want to have any other children because I’m terrified to love them. I’m terrified to accept new love from anyone and I feel like I can’t form new relationship in life because you only want your child. You obsess over it knowing your life will never be the same. I wish I would have fought for my baby or have been strong enough to stand up to my mom. This is a pain that will haunt you for the rest of your life. When it was all said and done the only thing in the world that will heal my pain is getting that child back, knowing that will never happen will hang over my head and break me down for the rest of my life.
I found out I was pregnant at 6 weeks. I had so much emotions and the only way I could tell me boyfriend was giving him the pregnancy test that showed positive. He told me he would support whichever choice I made…how I wish I knew he was lying. It took me awhile to think about abortion since we were 23. I agreed and started looking for clinics. Although everywhere near us was booked and I didn’t want anything but a medication abortion. My baby kept growing inside me and I could feel my body change as well as my decision. I wanted to keep my baby when it came down to going to my appointment in the city. I asked my boyfriend who drove me in my car that what if I kept the baby instead and he told me he would be angry with me. He said he sacrificed his work for the appointment, even though he left for a 2 month vacation. I told him I’d do this myself or tell someone I trusted to support me. But he wouldn’t leave me till or tell anyone the truth. Instead I went through with the appointment and had an abortion in his cousin’s apartment by myself. He left to pickup his cousin’s girlfriend from work while my baby was leaving my body because he did not want to tell them. I felt so alone and hurt. Physically and mentally I was exhausted. His mother kept pushing us to come to his home because she planned a canoeing trip during my birthday. But I needed running water and to lay in my own bed. I finally told him it’s either her or me and that I needed to go home. In my condition I couldn’t drive but I was determined to return home to my family. He ended up driving me home and surprisingly stayed with me a week. His mother kept saying things like my crazy people stole her son from her. He is 23 and she is almost in her 50’s. Finally I told my mother and his mother a month later because I couldn’t hid this as the relationship got worse…. and they both cried for me. They wanted the baby as well. But his mother is too much and my mother has too much children to worry about. Its crazy to think that I should have a baby in a month but I’m left with myself and what feels like a selfish boyfriend. I think everyday I should’ve chosen my baby over my boyfriend. My cousin told me the weekend I came back after having an abortion if I was pregnant. She dreamt I had a baby boy and that I apologized to my family for being gone so long due to my pregnancy. I’ll never forget that alternate future she saw me having. Now I see famous celebrities like Kylie Jenner or Rihanna pregnant like I should be. Even my boyfriend’s eldest cousin found out she was expecting. And he wanted to attend the baby shower and his mother keeps sending me pictures of the baby once she was born. I dont know what is wrong with her and her son. She told me this was my decision even though I told her that her son wasn’t supportive and didn’t want to be a father. Now I think about my baby with my father. I hope he is babysitting until its my time to finally hold my baby boy.
I had an abortion years ago and it has haunted me ever since I had my daughter. Seeing her little face and hands during the ultrasound made it impossible to keep telling myself the previous pregnancy was just a “clump of cells.” Even though at the time of the abortion I wouldn’t have made a decent mother, I wish I’d chosen adoption or given full custody to the father. I deeply regret my decision.
I was 20 years old and going out with a guy I thought cared about me. I had sex with him 1 time and I felt it right afterwards that I conceived. I never felt that ever in my life before or afterwards. I did get pregnant as I had felt and when I went to meet him and tell him about the pregnancy, he looked at me in the eye and happily said he was moving to another State and wanted nothing to do with me. We never spoke or saw each other again. I decided that I could not tell him and I went to a Planned Parenthood Abortion clinic in NYC and had the abortion. Immediately afterwards I was left in the room to get dressed and I was overcome with bitter sorrow. I felt as if it was revealed to me that I killed a beautiful baby girl and I felt the guilt and deep sadness. The Dr. who performed the abortion walked into my room and saw that I was crying and he got angry. He was so angry that I was crying and he quickly berated me because I was crying, and I could not say a word to him, I just ran out of the room sobbing. I was heartbroken with the realization that I murdered my baby. I did not understand why the Dr. yelled and berated me for feeling sadness. I often thought about looking up that Dr. to know why he was so angry and had no empathy for me. But through the years, I have come to the understanding that the Abortion doctor was upset because he was faced with the realization that he was my accomplice in the murder of my baby. That was 40 years ago, and I have never stopped thinking about my daughter who I named Cristine; what kind of life she would have had, how beautiful she must have been. I hope to see her again one day and ask her for forgiveness, a forgiveness that I need, but do not deserve.
I was 16. I was pregnant with my tennis coach’s child. In my 16 year old mind, I had no other option but to have an abortion. No one talks about the grief you feel over the death of your unborn child, even when you facilitated it. I met Jesus a year later. Though I know I’m forgiven, that grief and shame remain. I named my baby Seth. I’ve planted flowers in a special area of my yard for him.
(An open letter to my state and local reps: I urge other women to share the truth with their own local reps as well) Pro-Life efforts don’t ONLY save and protect the unborn… I come to you as a woman, wife, and mother who is 10 years in recovery from the “simple medical procedure” we label abortion. The truth is (and I have been immersed in post abortive communities of more women than I can count who would testify the same) abortion is a damaging and horrific procedure. Not only for the life which is never allowed to be, but for the woman, and her family or future family and mental health. I can testify to this as a woman who herself HAD an abortion which very much still affects me and my mental health as well as my ability to accept love from my (now) husband and children. The lie that women are told not only by secular culture but also at Planned Parenthood that “it’s only a clump of cells: it’s not a baby yet and has no awareness or feeling” or that it’s your “right to choose what happens with your body” is damaging and untrue, and sadly the women who believe this are shocked to have the ticking time bomb of the truth go off often times a decade or more later: Then destroying families and living children as mothers and wives turn to substances to numb out the pain, shame, and guilt of their horrific choice which cannot be undone and cannot often times even be spoken about because of the great shame: allowing the lies to continue, as “studies” of post abortive women claim that 3 years later women are “unaffected and still at peace with their choice.” All I can say is give it a few more years and I promise you the reality of what has occured will come back to haunt these women with A vengeance. I would urge our country to consider making part of the sexuality and health classes in middle school and high school a fetal development portion: where students approaching or actively engaged in sexual activity would be made aware of the body systems in place and at what week, so that this LIE that it’s “just a clump of cells” cannot continue whether in a legal abortion or an illegal one someone seeks out. I ALSO feel we would see great changes happening if teens are told of RESOURCES for an unplanned pregnancy (Crisis Pregnancy Centers are amazing) which give other viable options and support. This should also be extended to programs available for women struggling with the horrible aftermath of a pregnancy that was the result of a sexual assault as most go unreported as a women tries to just “get on with her life” but then discovers (even after use of the morning after pill as was my experience) that a pregnancy has resulted. This is a horrific situation to navigate and women (especially young ones) are not in a place mentally to deal with it all at once and prone to make a rash irrevocable choice based on amplified emotional distress and FEELINGS (which are understandable BUT fluid and will change like all traumatic feelings and aren’t rational) of resentment due to how the pregnancy may have occured which they fear would prevent them from being able to bond with or love the baby. Women NEED TO KNOW that the ACTUAL long term “PROBLEM and threat to their future and wellbeing” IS THE ABORTION they see as the fix, when the actual TEMPORARY issue is the “how am I going to get through this to either raise this child or find a loving adoptive family.?” Abortion is touted as a “solution” to not knowing or believing what other possible solutions there are… Women need to know they CAN finish school, they CAN go on to have good lives with their dignity and mental health intact WITHOUT turning to abortion. Please continue the work started in changing abortion law in the state of Texas by implementing fetal development education in our middle and high schools. Boys/men who often pressure or encourage abortions from their sexual partners need to know as well and also carry guilt later in life. Please push the awareness of programs and resources for women experiencing an unplanned pregnancy as well as pregnancy prevention. Thank you so much for your time.